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EXTRACTS 



FROM THE 



LETTERS 



OF 



Elizabeth, Lucy, and Judith Usslier, 



LATE OF THE 



CITY OF WATEEFOED, 

It 



IRELAND. 




PHILADELPHIA: 
FOR SALE AT FRIENDS' BOOK STORE, 

No. 304 ARCH STREET. 

1871. 









Wm. H. Pile, Printer, 422 Wainut Street, 



PREFACE. 



The following pages contain Extracts from 
Letters written by three sisters, the descent 
dants of two ancient and honorable families, 
whose rank in life had placed them in the gay 
world, and furnished them with opportunities 
of participating in many of its more refined 
dissipations : but whilst young, and esteemed 
accomplished, they were strengthened to 
withdraw from these fascinating pleasures ; 
'the love of Christ having touched their hearts, 
the love of this world was thereby stained in 
their views. Thus yielding obedience to Him 
who called them to glory and virtue, they had 
the eyes of their understandings enlightened 
to behold the superior excellency there is in 



IV PREFACE. 

the Truth, and were at seasons favored to 
enjoy its enriching heavenly influence ; and 
as they became further dedicated, could mea- 
surably say with the Psalmist, in the feeling 
language of the heart, " The Lord is my 
rock and my fortress and my deliverer j my 
God, my strength, in whom I will trust ; my 
buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and 
my high tower. For who is God save the 
Lord ; or who is a rock save our God ? It is 
God that girdeth me with strength, and mak- 
eth my way perfect. He maketh my feet like 
hind's feet, and setteth me on high places." 
Some lines concerning a younger sister are 
added at the conclusion of this volume. 



EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS, ETC. 



Elizabeth, the eldest sister, died of con- 
sumption at Bristol Hot Wells, in the early 
part of the year 1796, at about twenty-four 
years of age. 

She was educated in the communion of the 
Church of England ; but not satisfied with it, 
she frequented some meetings of other Chris- 
tian Societies, in the hope of finding that 
instruction and comfort her soul greatly de- 
sired. She was deprived of a very affection- 
ate father at the age of seventeen. A few 
years after, one of her sisters being ill in con- 
sequence of a hurt, was ordered to Bath, 
where her mother and three sisters accompa- 
nied her, and staid the winter. During this 
2* 



period Elizabeth went to Bristol Wells to 
visit an aunt, with whom she afterwards resi- 
ded, who was a religious person and had with- 
drawn from gay life and a conspicuous rank 
in which she was placed ; as also from the 
established worship. She attended different 
Dissenting meeting-houses; to one of these 
Eliza accompanied her ; when those words 
reached the witness in her mind, " Remem- 
ber thy Creator in the days of thy youth," 
&c. 

At this time she wrote the first letter to 
her mother at Bath, and went thither herself 
afterward ; when the sweetness of her counte- 
nance was remarkable ; she seemed a changed 
creature, given up and united to Him, who 
in adorable mercy had not only convinced, but 
converted her. She was become, not through 
John's elementary baptism of water, but by 
the one only effectual baptism, that of the 
Holy Gost and of fire, not in words but in 
truth a child of God, and an inheritor of the 
kingdom of God. When her family returned 



to , she desired she might remain at 

the Wells with her aunt, which seemed ex- 
traordinary, as a short separation was usual- 
ly trying to her ; but she expressed a fear of 
returning to her gay acquaintance, whilst in 
the infancy of religious experience, lest 
through weakness and instability, she might 
be tried beyond her power of resistance, and 
so lose an immortal inheritance. As soon as 
her heart was convinced that her former 
dress was contrary to Gospel simplicity, she 
put away all the vain and superfluous parts 
of it, requesting she might never be pained 
by seeing them. She remained in England 
about two years, growing in grace and in the 
favor of the Lord. 

A neglected cold fell on her lungs ; her 
mother and sister Lucy hastened to her, 
and, about two months after were witnesses 
to her close. A few days before her depar- 
ture, when she appeared to be asleep, her 
mother remarked to her sister, that she con- 
sidered it a favor that such a covering of 



8 

peace was granted them under the prospect 
of losing such a precious and beloved friend, 
when Elizabeth, raising herself, said in a 
lively manner, "Peace, Virtue, Peace is 
all thy own !" Just as the spirit quitted 
its enfeebled tenement, Lucy was sitting by 
her bedside, and the curtain being drawn 
between them, she was not sensible the 
change was so near, but was impressed 
with this language which she thought she 
should then have uttered, but through diffi- 
dence withheld it, " Open ye the everlasting 
gates, and let the righteous enter in."* 

* See Isaiah 26 : 2. 



LETTER I. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1794. 



And now my dear mother, I want to 
unburden my soul to you, if I may so ex- 
press myself, who know as well as I, that 
the ways of the world are not right, and 
will neither make us easy here, nor happy 
hereafter ; but as to this you can better 
teach me. What I have to say is, I am 
determined (let the world say what it will) 
to live according to the dictates of my con- 
science, and as one who knows not the mo- 
ment of death. Do not, my dear mother, 
by my writing more seriously than usual, 
think I am one bit better : indeed I am 
not ; I only see how long I have been upon 
the brink of ruin, and wish for that content 



10 

and happiness of mind which I now believe 
can only he found in religion. 

I know if it please God to keep me in the 
state of mind I am now in, I shall enjoy 
more real happiness by avoiding every place 
that will tend to make me forget God. I 
see now that I have lived to myself; that 
I have been very wrong; that if I die as I 
am, I must inevitably perish. May He, 
who alone can, make your Eliza what you 
would wish her to be, and what she ought 
to be! 



LETTER II. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1794. 



I am sorry to hear you are going to , 

where, it grieves me when I think they 
have so much of the form, without any of 
the power and inward delight, which reli- 
gion gives the soul that resolutely deter- 
mines to seek the Lord until He is found ; 



11 

as they that seek him will find him. He 
waits to be gracious. When I think, my 
dear mother, how long He was calling me 
before I answered, my heart is all grati- 
tude; I am astonished at his persevering 
goodness, that He did not leave my heart 
hard, as He has done others, who would not 
listen to that still small voice : for you know 
we read in Scripture, that his " Spirit shall 
not always strive with man." my dear 
mother ! that you and I, and all that belong 
to us, may be found in the narrow path 
that leads to endless happiness, is the great- 
est wish and constant prayer of, &c. 



LETTER III 



TO HEE, MOTHEK. 

1794. 



Many thanks to my dear mother for the 
few lines concerning our best interest : you 
say you wish to be as happy in your mind 



12 

as I am. You will find it in Christ, if you 
press for it, if you can resolve to let go 
every hold that keeps your soul fettered, as 
it were, to this world, then read the promise 
that is for you in the 6th chapter of the 2d 
of Corinthians, the last two verses. We 
must be convinced that we are in error, 
which is very clear in the Epistle of Paul 
to the Romans, for by the law we cannot be 
saved ; let us then fly for refuge, and lay 
hold of the hope set before us; even a 
Saviour, who is more ready to answer us 
than we are to desire it. Come to him, He 
bids you come boldly, and do not doubt in 
the least, but that what He has promised, he 
is able also to perform. 

that He would enlighten our minds to 
understand the Scriptures ! 

You desire me to write on the subject 
nearest my heart, for where our treasure is, 
there will our hearts be also. You will not 
then be surprised if the greatest wish I 
have is, that all my dear friends would 



13 

believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they 
might be saved ; but particularly that you, 
my dear mother, and the nearest to my 
heart, would implore the Lord, and not let 
him go until He bless you. Then you will 
find his ways pleasantness, and all his paths 
peace ; you will enjoy a happiness the world 
cannot either give or take away, and you 
will be of that number who are not ashamed 
of the Gospel of Christ, and He will not be 
ashamed to confess you before his Father, 
and his holy angels. I am little able to 
talk of the things of God ; but I trust that 
He who can best teach you, will answer 
your prayers and mine, and enable us both 
to understand his divine truths. 



LET TEE IV. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

You say you fear you feel too little con- 
demnation for sin. Sin in ourselves, is our 

2 



14 

greatest burden, the only obstacle that keeps 
our souls at a distance from God ; but blessed 
be his name, He first draws, encourages, and 
enables the poor sinner to trust in his love, 
shows him that without him he can do no- 
thing. But when he is accepted in the 
Beloved, then he is brought into the light, 
and sees that it is black, as the Church ex- 
presses herself in the Canticles, 1st chap. 
" I am black, but comely" [in Christ] ; black 
for the Sun of Kighteousness has risen on 
me, and discovered to me what I am. Then 
is the Saviour truly precious, the chief among 
ten thousand, the altogether lovely. If we 
knew the tenders the Saviour is willing to 
make of his love to us while in this body of 
sin, we should be more anxious to press on 
by fervent prayer, night and day. We love 
to refresh our bodies when weary, but, Oh ! 
how much more delightful, how truly satis- 
fying, to bathe and refresh our souls in the 
fountain of his love, the streams whereof 
make glad the whole city of God ! His love 



15 

is infinite, unsearchable, an ocean without 
bottom or shore. You say you wish to 
know you are born again, and the next line 
tells me that you are, by saying, that you 
will be ever with that dear Lord that has 
all your affections. I wonder how you 
would explain those words ; for my part I 
think it is being born again, born of the 
Spirit, when we can from our hearts say, He 
has all our affections, "Jesus' love has broke 
my heart." The natural man is enmity 
against God. I once saw no comeliness in 
him, but now all is vanity but Christ. We 
can say, "What is all the earth to me if 
stranger to thy peace V The knowledge of 
these truths only, is not enough ; it is only 
so far as they are felt and experienced in 
the mind of a believer, that they communi- 
cate peace and happiness to the soul. 



16 



LETTER V. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

The two dear girls' letters delighted me. 
What a favor to have so many in a family 
candidates for heaven ! Dear mother, you 
and Lucy are wanting some strong earnest 
that you are children of God ; think for a 
moment that you love Him who has died for 
you. Don't you depend entirely upon him ? 
Eemember you love him because He first 
loved you. Let us but believe, and we shall 
find him precious. 



LETTER VI. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



Dear mother, what need have we to pray, 
that we may be disengaged from this world, 
and the nearest friends we have in it. If 



17 

my mother, my aunt [then ill], and my 
Lucy are taken from me, I have not a tie 
besides. May my Lord resign me to his 
will ! Of myself I can do nothing, I must 
trust him ; and indeed at this time of trial 
He sweetly supports and comforts my heart 
and spirit with his love. All these things 
must pass away, but who or what can sepa- 
rate from Him whom our souls love ? My 
aunt is a little better this day than yester- 
day ; who knows but our compassionate 
Lord will again restore her health most va- 
luable to those who know her best. 



LETTER VII. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



My dear mother, I have shed tears of joy 
over your letter ; may our hearts be filled 
with gratitude and thankfulness, that while 
we were living without hope, and without 



2* 



18 

God in the world we are brought into the 
light of the glorious Gospel, and called to 
partake of the blessings our Saviour has pur- 
chased for us ; and that, it is evident, not for 
the smallest good in us, because his pure 
eyes see our manifold infirmities, but of his 
infinite mercy ; and a kingdom has been 
prepared for such as resist not his power, 
before the foundations of the world. My 
dear mother, I do not think you are de- 
ceived ; nothing but the love of Jesus can 
spoil us for this world ; his love constraineth 
us to follow him through evil as through 
good report. He loved us before we loved 
him, and can we doubt of his love one mo- 
ment when we think and read of his great 
sufferings for your and my sins, and the sins 
of all who are willing to be saved ? let 
us try to get above this ensnaring world. 
Our dear Lord will enable us through faith 
to overcome it, if we perseveringly go on 
trusting in him for strength, knowing only 
such as persevere to the end shall be saved. 



19 

Indeed, I cannot see that this world has any 
attractions for those who live as always in 
his sight, enjoying the smiles of his recon- 
ciled countenance, and feasting on the boun- 
ties of his love. I have learned that Jesus 
loves we should tell him all our wants, and 
He loves to supply them. what a privi- 
lege ! we need only leave our petitions with 
him, and trust in his promises ; but then we 
must through his assistance conform our 
lives to his will, or it would be foolish to 
expect a blessing. I desire to be entirely 
moulded to his mind ; for I am his, and 
nothing can separate unworthy me from his 
love. And will my sweet Lucy and Judith 
come and partake of that good part Mary 
chose, which never can be taken away? 
The very thought and hope delight me, 
that when a few years are past, we shall all 
be in the enjoyment of unutterable bliss. I 
must leave room for my dear aunt to add a 
line, with just leaving you one comfortable 
thought, that if the world hate you, it hated 



20 

our dear Lord first. He says, in John, " Be- 
cause I have chosen you out of the world," 
&c, and left us an example that we should 
follow his steps. 



LETTEE VIII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

Nothing but grace will effectually turn 
the heart; till then all is restraint. I wish 

you would send to the Wells. Oh that 

his heart might be touched; at present he 
cannot be happy. I think he would be a 
burning and shining light. My dear mother, 
I trust you will not be displeased that I 

caution you against sending Judith to . 

I know she is a sweet creature, and with 
your example and instruction may be an ex- 
cellent Christian ; but she is human nature 
still, and I fear with those she will mix with, 
these good impressions will soon be effaced ; 



21 

in one night a tender plant may be lost by a 
severe frost. Our dear Lord knowing our poor 
weak nature well, prayed [taught us to pray] 
that we might not be led into temptation. Oh 
may He direct you and me in every step we 
take, though ever so trifling ; may He also 
continue to keep your mind peaceable and 
happy ! The effect of being clothed in his 
righteousness is quietness and assurance for- 
ever. What a sweet passage ! " Mercy shall 
compass him about." All your afflictions come 
through mercy. The Lord is a wall of fire 
round about his people, a very present help in 
trouble. What a great comfort that we are 
kept by the power of God through faith unto 
salvation. If I was not an ungrateful crea- 
ture, I should make mention of the loving- 
kindness of the Lord from day to day. He 
directs, encourages, and instructs me with 
his love, "He is altogether lovely:" He will 
withhold nothing from you that may do you 
good if you ask it. May you enjoy commu- 
nion with our dear Lord, which is the privi- 



22 

lege of all true believers, and which they 
would not give up for all a thousand worlds 
could offer ; for surely heaven has more hap- 
piness for a soul than earth. — In the 17th of 
Jeremiah I read this morning the curse that 
was to befall those that forsook God, was, 
their names were written in the earth ; 
that ours may be written in heaven. 



LETTEE IX. 



TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

1795. 



I was greatly delighted with my dear Ju- 
dith's letter. You have found a precious 
Saviour, the pearl of great price, and the an- 
gels in heaven rejoice over you ; the Saviour 
loves you with an everlasting love. He will 
show you what is in your own heart, that 
you may prize him more ; at least I find He 
shows me every day my own nothingness, 
that being emptied of self, I may look only 



23 

to Christ for a full and free salvation. It is 
not of works, lest any should boast ; but by 
grace we are saved through faith, which is 
the unmerited gift of God. There are un- 
speakable riches treasured up in Christ for 
us. may we daily be enabled to come 
boldly as dear children, and receive out of 
his inexhaustible fulness of grace and love, 
that we may grow up unto him in all things. 
May He teach us how to live, think, act, and 
speak for him who has done so much for us ! 

My dear mother writes to me, is 

coming : I expect him every moment. 
my dear Judith, join with me in intreating 
our dear Saviour to be his Saviour, and that 
he may be one of those jewels which make 
up his crown ! I have time for no more, but 
to commit you to his care, who has loved 
you, and given himself for you. May He 
direct you and keep you, giving you strength 
for every trial; may his love prevent every 
discouragement, and be an earnest to you of 
future glory, &c. 



24 



LETTER X. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

I look forward with pleasure to seeing my 

dear after so long an absence, though 

I am sure I do not think he will be so pleased 
with me. However, the Lord is on my side, 
I will not fear. Who knows, my dear mother, 
but his coming here may be for the better ? 
When I think what has been done for me, I 
believe nothing is too hard for the Lord. 
Our united petitions will be heard [if right] 
by Him whose name is love, and who has no 
pleasure in the spiritual death of any. I am 

sorry for 's behavior, but we know it is 

nothing new 5 we have many to intreat the 
Lord for. You say you are thankful for 

your illness at , therefore it is not right 

I should be sorry, but trust the Lord will 
restore your health of body, and keep your 
soul in health. 

I have been twice to see ; will not 



25 

that do? They were very curious, but I 
trust my dear Saviour will never suffer me 
to be ashamed of him. They wondered I 
did not go to balls ; [and asked] " Don't you 
go to any parties ?" If you mean card par- 
ties, I said, I do not at all approve of them, 
but my aunt and I have very agreeable 
parties amongst some of the most respect- 
able people here. My dear mother, I know 
very well (I should say I know a little) of 
what you mean, when you speak of the cor- 
ruption and ingratitude of the heart. I 
will give you a hint of a dream I had the 
night before last, which may be of use and 
comforting. "Live out of yourself simply 
by faith on Jesus Christ, laying your sins 
and sorrows upon him f a few words but 
very comprehensive. Let us then look to 
him; it is only while we live upon Christ, 
we live at all. Don't you find you cannot 
mix with the people about you ? You can- 
not drink muddy water and sweet together ; 
it is precious to live near the Saviour: in 



26 

his presence is fulness of joy ! Oh, when 
will the time come when we shall be in the 
enjoyment of him ; when we shall see him 
face to face ! Then will our cup be full, run- 
ning over. 



LETTER XL 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



I rejoice that you are enabled to stem 
the torrent of persecution, by and through 
Jesus, who will [would] bring you, through 
toiling and rowing, to land in his Father's 
kingdom, beyond the reach of men and 
devils, to enjoy himself, which must be 
heaven indeed. Oh may Lie give us to taste 
more while here of his hidden manna ; that 
continually receiving from his fulness, we 
may have that which will cause us to glori- 
fy him. I find my soul is dead indeed, if 
my Beloved withdraws ; or rather when the| 
curtain is drawn over my soul. 



27 

" He is our life, our light, our love, 
Our portion, and our all, 
The circle where my passions move. 
And centre of my soul." 

You are the persons our Lord has himself 
pronounced blessed ; He bids you rejoice and 
be exceeding glad. May we be vigilant to 
serve our Master, and pray for them that 
hate us ! I want nothing but what my 
Jesus has to give, and He is always willing, 
and we might be always receiving, if un- 
belief did not prevent us opening wide the 
door of our hearts, that He might come in 
and sup with us according to his promise. 
I think He is teaching me more every day, 
that there is nothing worth having but him- 
self, nor enjoying, but as we receive in it 
something of his love : don't you find it so ? 
If we have him, we have more than tongue 
can describe ; we have sweet peace within, 
that we enjoy by looking in faith through 
our interceding Saviour to our loving 
Father. What mere earthen vessels we 



28 

are, empty and liable to be broken ! what 
a blessing to see we are so, that we may 
ask and receive, and be filled ; that we may 
come up from this wilderness leaning on 
our Beloved ! He will hold us up, and we 
shall be safe. But I must stop and recol- 
lect ; this subject of a soul's love would fill 
my paper, and after all, I have said [but 
little] : I must leave the subject to eternity; 
we can't comprehend it, though to feel it is 
heaven begun ! And does my sweet Lucy 
give her idols to the moles and the bats ? 
This is love again ! 

Tell , if you have no objection, that 

(from my soul) I wish she was what they 
call a Quaker, but that most of all, I wish 
her to be a Christian ; a despised follower 
of a despised Saviour. I have acquitted 
my conscience already, and tell her from 
me, if she reject this Saviour, He will reject 
her, and the horrible consequence no pen 
can paint. Need I tell my beloved parent 
my heart is united to hers forever in love by 
the strongest bands. 



29 

P. S. When you give my message give it 
in love : there is great* harmony in love. 



LETTER XII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

To those who find religion a real good, 
retirement is delightful, as it enables us 
without interruption to seek for peace, and 
to enjoy the greatest privilege, — communion 
with Him who condescends to be the friend 
of sinners, and rejoices over them to do 
them good. may we unfeignedly give 
him all our hearts, and commit the keeping 
of our souls to Him, who is able to keep 
them until that great day, when our Saviour, 
who manifests his love to us, will be our 
Judge : He who now intercedes for us. — We 
are reading an account of the numbers of 
martyrs thad died in the flames in Mary's 
reign, all rejoicing they were counted wor- 
thy to suffer for the truth ; let this encour- 
3* 



30 

age us, my dear mother, not to mind what 
the world may say. Those will one day be 
ashamed that falsely accuse your good con- 
versation in Christ ; and remember for your 
comfort, your light afflictions, which are but 
for a moment, work for you an eternal 
weight of glory. My two sweet sisters are 
afraid of the temptations of the world ; and 
since I have set them the example of mix- 
ing in it, it is but fair to tell them, I never 
knew happiness in the pleasures of it ; they 
are toilsome and unsatisfying. Assure them 
with my love, were I to begin the world 
again, I would seek to walk in wisdom's 
ways ; they are ways of pleasantness and all 
her paths are peace. 



LETTER XIII. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



When we think on what a slender thread 
life hangs, not to have an interest in Christ 



31 

is most awful ! To you who believe He is 
precious, these are sweet words, " Christ in 
you the hope of glory." for a stronger 
faith to rest entirely on his unchangeable 
love, an abiding sense of which would 
sweeten every cross and create a heaven 
within. 



LETTER XIV. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

I hope you will inform me of your health, 
and the state of your soul, which I doubt 
not is soaring on the wings of love, and 
every day getting nearer and nearer in 
sweet communion with the Friend of sin- 
ners ; those are the most delightful moments 
of one's life. By Lucy's and Judith's let- 
ters they seem indeed on the road, as they 
desire those evidences, which, if they perse- 
vere, they will certainly receive. From ex- 
perience I know they will have the inward 



32 



witness that they are children of God, and 
of course, all things will work together for 
good, both here and hereafter. Blessed in- 
deed are the heirs of God, joint heirs with 
Christ ! How different from the world in pur- 
suit of happiness, who try many different 
ways for present enjoyment and recreations, 
and still are dissatisfied, finding only disap- 
pointment; while Christians have all one 
motive, one joy, one Saviour, and I would 
wish, one mind; all pressing towards the 
same mark, our dear Lord going all the way 
with them. Oh may we continue steadfast 
in the faith, and never be discouraged by the 
insinuations of the enemy, who would work 
with our poor weak hearts ; but we have 
this delightful promise, " Resist the devil 
and he will flee." 



LETTER XV. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

When I think of what darkness and un- 



33 

belief there is over the world, it fills me with 

horror. I tremble to think of , who 

do not see their want of a Saviour, and the 
wicked one will keep them blind as long as 
he can. my dear mother! what reason 
have you and I to be thankful that we see 
we cannot save ourselves ; that our righte- 
ousness is but as filthy rags. What a bless- 
ing to see the vileness of our hearts ; that 
they are deceitful above all things, when we 
know the returning sinner will be accepted 
and pardoned for Christ's sake. I often 
think, if those that are in the midst of plea- 
sure and dissipation, did but for a moment 
feel the joy of a believer, with what aston- 
ishment would they look back on their past 
choice ! I do firmly believe they would go 
and sell all that they had, and purchase that 
pearl of great price. 



34 
LETTEE XVI. 

TO HER MOTHER AND SISTER LUCY. 

1795. 

Thanks to my dear mother and Lucy for 
their joint letter; indeed I want words to 
express the true delight I felt on reading it. 
Is it not some of that love which the mem- 
bers of Jesus must feel for each other ? He 
is all love, and the sap which belongs to the 
Vine, suffuses through all the branches. As 
many as are led by the Spirit of God, they 
are the sons of God, and sweet teaching it 
is ; we love what He loves, and hate what 
He hates, so that we know the meaning of 
those words, he that is joined to the Lord 
in one spirit, he has, though in a lesser de- 
gree, the mind of Christ. This month re- 
minds me of the happy moments when I 
began to live. When we reflect what crea- 
tures we are by nature, divested of all good, 
and prone to evil continually, every moment 
adding sin to sin, until there is a list against 



35 

us, which nothing but the blood of Jesus 
himself could do away, that He not only 
freely pardons us, but takes and carries us in 
his bosom, and gives us all things in himself; 
clothes us in white, and gives us to live upon 
himself, food convenient for us, and living 
waters, so that we do not thirst for perishing 
things ; when we consider that our hearts 
are drawn above, where we shall be in a few 
years, it is enough to sink us into nothing 
but love before him. I have been much 
afflicted for months with pains in my jaw,^ 
but was much supported, as you are, by the 
presence of Him our souls love, and we shall 
have this peace while our minds are stayed 
upon him. What poor bodies we have ; Oh 
may our souls get more life, then we shall 
think less of the body's death. My dear 
Lucy's letter quite warmed my heart, and 
truly filled me with joy; nothing indeed 
but the power of God could change our 
hearts. May He enable us to persevere, un- 
til we receive the end of our faith, which is 



36 

the salvation of our souls. Meditating on 
future enjoyments greatly alleviates present 
distress. Though persecutions for the pre- 
sent are grievous, yet they yield the peace- 
able fruits of righteousness to you who are 
exercised thereby : and though " the bud 
may have a bitter taste, yet sweet will be 
the flower," only let us follow on to know 
the Lord. My dear mother, may the Lord 
return all your love to me, unworthy me, 
into your own bosom. He loves you better 
ilian I can, and I am happy in believing you 
are in his hands, who will keep you as the 
apple of his eye. Farewell, my dear beloved 
parent, and my sweet Lucy, I bear you on 
my heart before my dear Redeemer; but 
what is better, He bears your name himself 
before the throne. Yours in the sweet bonds 
of Jesus. 



37 



LETTER XVII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

I am obliged to my dear Lucy for her ele- 
gant work; may her heart and ours be 
stamped with the image of Jesus, as the 
paper is pricked into an Edwin and Ange- 
lina. Our hearts were as much a blank to 
any good impression, as that paper was, but 
our Artist is divine, both God and man ! 
Oh may He keep you, my dear mother, from 
error, and give you the teachings of his 
good Spirit, which always testifies of Jesus 
our Advocate, in whom dwells all the ful- 
ness of the Godhead bodily • and though it 
is most delightful to walk in the comforts 
of the Holy Spirit, yet we must not forget 
from whence they flow; that they have 
been dearly purchased for us by Christ ; are 
the effects of the Father's love given us 
through the agency of his blessed Spirit. 

Oh ! what manner of love is this that our 
4 



38 

God has taken upon him in this wonderful 
manner to save poor sinners, and that He 
stands engaged in covenant for their good 
by these three offices, of Father, Saviour, 
and Comforter ! may the Spirit of truth 
lead you into all truth ! Jesus says, " I am 
the way, the truth, and the life." I am 
sorry for the account of your poor health : 
what can be dearer to my heart than my 
dear mother's spiritual and temporal health? 
may He, who alone is dearer, give you 
both, and if best for you He will give you 
health : all his dealings with you are in 
love infinite, unchangeable. May He give 
you and me, in the darkest hour of his pro- 
vidence, to see it so, that we may like 
Samson get honey out of the lion's carcase. 



LETTER XVIII. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



My dear mother, I am not prejudiced 
against any sect; indeed I am not. My 



39 

Lord has enabled me to love all that have 
the mark of the Lamb on their foreheads ; 
all that love the Lord Jesus, must have 
been first loved by him. And shall I not 
love those whom Jesus loves, brethren and 
sisters for whom Christ died, all one happy 
family whose names are written on Ema- 
nuel's bosom ? yes ! my heart warms to 
them, and would bring others, if I could, to 
join them. Human means, are only means; 
but He says, if ye love me, keep my com- 
mandments ; we show our faith by our 
works : the very thought is sufficient to 
make me blush, I do so little. Your letters 
show the sweet frame of your mind, and 
my dear Saviour has promised to keep him 
in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on 
him, and I trust He will bring you to his 
banqueting house, and his banner over you 
will be love. 

Tell my dear Lucy, I am obliged for her 
elegant work. I have seen several pieces 
from Italy, and I think hers preferable. I 



40 

send her something, though in a different 
way, but before she looks at it, I request 
her to read a few lines I send with it. The 
worst of these amusements is, they engage 
too much time and thought ; while our 
hands are at work, we should endeavor, at 
the same time, to delight our hearts in 
thinking of the love that bought us. 



LETTER XIX 



TO HER MOTHER. 

March 31, 1795. 



What soul can be truly happy until in 
the perfect enjoyment of its Saviour ? I 
have no idea of anything here deserving 
the name of happiness but what faith real- 
izes; only so far as we live upon the ful- 
ness of Jesus we live at all. For don't we 
find there is a spiritual, as well as natural 
life? All have not the former, only be- 
lievers in Jesus ; these know what the hid- 



41 

den manna means, which is the life of their 
souls, this tree of life, of which they eat and 
live forever. Don't think me prejudiced, 
my dear mother, for or against any sect; 
my heart does feel a sympathy to all of 
every denomination that love the Lord 
Jesus ; those that live nearest him, live 
nearest the truth. Some of all professions 
are apt to get into a cold, formal state : 
there is nothing I so much dread for myself 
as this : may our dear Lord keep us alive 
and zealous for his glory, having our lamps 
lighted ; and to his dear Name be all the 
glory and praise ! 

My beloved mother, you cannot think 
what sweet subjects you are at times of my 
thankfulness, that you and those nearest 
my heart are heirs of glory ; and shall I too 
be admitted ? What mercy, what unutter- 
able love ! Oh how many sweet creatures 
there are that have not the mark of the 
Lamb : may we be humble and thankful. I 
often think of dear : you remember he 



42 

always was my favorite, perhaps from his 
name and likeness to one I love, and whose 
memory will ever be dear to me.* Fare- 
well ; may you have the presence of Jesus 
to support and comfort you in all your trials 
and bitter cups, my dear mother, whom I 
love in the truth. 



LETTER XX. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

May 30, 1796. 



My ever dear mother has already received 
accounts of my illness ; the means used have 
been instrumental to my recovery, through 
Him who knows how unfit my soul is for 
glory. may He hasten to prepare me for 
himself! Nothing short of the enjoyment 
of God can satisfy, when He in infinite con- 
descension, shows even a little of the love 
He feels for poor worms. Though He afflicts, 

* Alluding to her father. 



43 

yet still He loves the same; it is because He 
loves He chastens : my sickness has been so 
sweetened, and his presence so comforted 
me, as brought to my mind a verse, I believe 
in Hose a, where it is said, " I will allure her 
and bring her into the wilderness, and speak 
comfortable to her" [to the Church], after 
mentioning her great sins. Oh what a God 
full of love is our God ! the more fully we 
believe in his love, the greater is our hap- 
piness. 

My cough is indifferent. It will be a com- 
fort to hear from my dear mother ; I cannot 
think of you but my heart glows with love 
for you, and longing desires to see you ; but 
this, together with yourself, and everything 
else that relates to us, I commit to Him who 
alone does all things well. It is with diffi- 
culty I have written. May every blessing 
from our loving Jesus be with you all. 



44 



LETTER XXI. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

June 16, 1796. 



My darling mother, my last not being 
satisfactory as to my health, I sit down 
quietly to tell you, I am better this day 
than yesterday. I am very changeable, not 
like my precious Lord, whose love continues 
every day alike. I cannot say, from my 
feelings or my physicians' authority, that I 
am getting better, though some days more 
comfortable. My dear mother, if you love 
me, don't be grieved for my illness. Surely 
you don't love my body better than my soul; 
the latter has been taught many sweet les- 
sons by it ; it is only on your account I suf- 
fer any anxiety, being the means of adding 
sorrow to your sorrow. Besides you, and 
my dear family, I have not a tie to anything 
below. Though I don't know that I am in 
present danger, yet T cannot conceal the 
pleasure my soul feels in knowing I am in 



45 

my Saviour's hands to do what He will with 
me. If we but meditate on future joys, all 
of which flow from the infinite fulness of 
Jesus filling the soul, and increasing it every 
moment with delight, such as we cannot 
fully know till we N are in the enjoyment of 
it, who would wish to stay ? 

" May we have patience here to wait, 
Till Jesus us to bliss translate." 

I own I would wish you to come here if you 
would not be distressed by it : surely it is a 
selfish wish to see her who lies nearest my 
heart of all earthly attachments, but I now 
give up the hope, preferring your comfort to 
everything in this world. My dear mother, 
mind, we are all in His hands, who will make 
us more than conquerors through him that 
loved us. 



EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS, ETC. 



Lucy, the second sister, was taken ill of a 
consumption, and died in the latter part of 
the year 1797, aged about twenty-one years. 

She was very pleasing in her person, of a 
meek spirit, and religiously thoughtful, yet 
partook of what she, at that time, deemed 
innocent recreations, and in the way she was 
educated, what were esteemed polite accom- 
plishments, such as music, dancing, painting, 
&c. But as she became convinced, that to 
purchase the Pearl of great price we must 
sell all that is vain and superfluous, all that 
divides and separates the heart from the one 
great and only good, she relinquished these 
inferior pursuits, which faded as shadows at 



47 

the rising of the Sun of Righteousness in 
her soul. 

She was dissatisfied with the forms and 
repetitions of the established worship, and 
longed for right direction to worship God in 
spirit and in truth. 

About this time she became acquainted with 
some of the Society of Friends, and with her 
mother, accompanied them to their meeting; 
where, in silence, that is, outward silence, 
she was convinced that Friends were united 
in the one precious principle [the Spirit of 
the Lord Jesus], and these words were intel- 
ligibly sounded in her spiritual ear "Join 
thyself to these people." This divine inti- 
mation she readily obeyed, and submitting 
to the yoke of Christ, she cheerfully endured 
the refining power that was to judge every- 
thing her dear Lord's controversy was with, 
and nail it to the cross. At this time 
these words were frequently impressed on 
her mind, " The valley of Achor shall be 
the door of hope." Not remembering such 



48 

words, she took her Bible and opened it at 
that passage, and found it was there the Ba- 
bylonish garment was to be burned. She 
consulted not with flesh and blood, but set 
fire to all her fine clothes, a great part of 
which were her own work, and beautiful, 
besides others that had been bought; she left 
none of gold, or silver, or costly array, mak- 
ing of them a fire sufficient to warm water 
to wash her hands. The peace of her coun- 
tenance afterwards evinced, that the sacrifice 
required was accepted, and the outward pu- 
rification seemed emblematical of the purity 
of her mind. She had strong and lively 
feelings, and though young in years was 
deeply taught in Christ's school and endured 
uncommon baptisms tending to her further 
refinement. 

Her sister Judith took notes concerning 
her after she had taken to her bed of the ill- 
ness of which she died, from which the fol- 
lowing is extracted : 

" She had been for some time deeply ex- 



49 

ercised, but at this season her mind seemed 
to be sweetly relieved, and covered with di- 
vine love, which flowed to all around her. 
She called me to her, and said, the way be- 
fore her was dark, and she knew not whe- 
ther to look for life or death, but was resigned 
to the event, saying, she believed if it was 
the Lord's will to take her, it would be to 
himself; expressing in much tenderness of 
spirit, that if her life was prolonged, she 
hoped it would be entirely dedicated to His 
service, for what else was worth living for ? 
With great earnestness she expressed her 
desires that I should be faithful unto the 
Lord, and not withhold anything He may 
require; likewise that she had often felt 
much interested for me, and had received 
this comfortable impression, that the Lord 
would give me change of raiment. One even- 
ing being so ill as to think she could not hold 
out long, and getting me to sit by the side of 
her bed, she gave some directions about the 

disposal of her property, and with her love 
5 



50 

to be given to her sister Susan and her dear 
brother John, she desired (as near as I can 
recollect) they would keep much inward to 
the Lord, who would direct them. I cannot 
remember all she said at that time, being 
much tendered and enlarged by the over- 
flowings of divine love. She expressed 
great resignation to whatsoever was the 
Lord's holy will concerning her ; adding, 
' Though He slay me, yet will I trust in 
him/ and said she thought she felt resigna- 
tion in me also, in which I was wonderfully 
supported about that time, for though I did 
not think I could love her better, yet such 
were my feelings, that had the Lord de- 
manded it, it seemed as if I could part with 
all that was near and dear to me in this life, 
in acquiescence to his will. 

" A few days before dear Lucy's depar- 
ture, she called to her mother and said, she 
remembered in a particular manner, what a 
powerful impression the last testimony of 
Mary Kidgway, that she heard at meeting, 



51 

had on her mind; that it seemed to have 
passed away, but then revived ; and she felt 
easy to repeat so much, ' Ye are they that 
have been with me in my trials and in my 
temptations, and for you my Father has pre- 
pared a crown of glory, that fadeth not 
away.' At another time she said, £ Oh ! 
what an awful thing to appear before a God 
of purity !' Her bodily pains seemed exces- 
sive, yet she never complained, but with a 
sweet countenance, often said, ' It is not of 
any consequence ; if it does the work of puri- 
fication it is a favor.' 

" She said she remembered at the only 
meeting for discipline that she sat, an epis- 
tle was read, where, after much encourage- 
ment was expressed to the young, there was 
added a desire for those who should be cut 
off in their bloom, that their conduct and 
example might be such that would leave a 
good savor behind ; and at the same time 
she believed she was of the number that 
was to be removed, and did ardently crave 



52 

that the latter part might be applicable to 
herself." 

She was admitted into membership with 
the Society of Friends about a year and a 
half before her decease. 



LETTER I. 



TO HER SISTER ELIZABETH. 



April 20, 1795. 

Since I wrote last to my dear Eliza, we 
have enjoyed a delightful season of spiritual 
refreshment, in which the great Shepherd 
has been pleased to send us pastors after his 
own heart, who have rightly divided unto 
us the words of life, and administered to us 
freely what they had freely received from 
him, according to our several cases and ne- 
cessities. May we be totally devoted and 
given up to him, and count nothing too dear 
to part with for his sake, who remembered 
us in our low estate, and has called us out 
of darkness into his marvellous light, and 
has guided our feet into the paths of true 
peace ! You will, I fear, think those minis- 



54 

ters were informed of our situations, and 
spoke from outward knowledge, but be as- 
sured it was not the case ; no person could 
tell them our thoughts. Oh no, they have 
their knowledge the same way that Peter 
knew that Jesus was the Christ, for which 
our Lord pronounced him blessed in these 
words : " Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona, 
for flesh and blood hath not revealed this 
unto thee, but my Father who is in heaven, 
for upon this rock (Christ revealed) will I 
build my church, and the gates of hell shall 
not prevail against it." Paul also in his 
first Epistle to the Galatians fully shows, 
that the Gospel which he preached he re- 
ceived not of man, nor was he taught but by 
the revelation of the Lord Jesus. Surely he 
could not have meant the outward appearing 
of the Lord Jesus by the way ; that con- 
verted him from the errors in which he then 
was, and opened his eyes and his heart to 
receive and see him in his far more glorious 
appearance, even that true Light that en- 



55 

lighteneth every man. This glorious privi- 
lege is not confined to apostles or ministers, 
but He vouchsafes to teach all his depending 
children, who come to his school with hearts 
emptied of self and self-righteousness, and 
under the humbling feeling, that without 
him they can do nothing ; and therefore 
give themselves up into his forming hand, 
to be made either vessels of honor, or dis- 
honor, in his holy house ; so that He will but 
sanctify them for the Master's use. 

Oh may we not shrink, my dear Eliza, but 
follow the Captain of our salvation, who 
was made perfect through sufferings ; who 
though He thought it no robbery to be 
equal with God, yet took upon him the 
form of a servant, and became of no repu- 
tation, and humbled himself unto death, 
even the death of the cross ! May I, the 
least and most unworthy of all his crea- 
tures, who am not meet to be called a dis- 
ciple, take up my cross daily, and deny my- 
self everything that I feel contrary to the 



56 

mind of my gracious Master. I do believe 
the cross is much harder to be borne in 
little things (if they can be called so, when 
they separate us from Him who is the chief 
among ten thousand and altogether lovely) 
than in those things which are evidently 
wrong to all sorts of Christians. It is 
dreadful to our natural part to appear sin- 
gular in dress and language, yet I believe 
it must be your Lucy's lot if she follow the 
path pointed out to her, as I believe it is 
required of me to bear a testimony for truth, 
and to magnify my Saviour openly. Not 
that anything I can do of myself can be 
acceptable in his sight ; for if I should do 
all, I should be but an unprofitable servant : 
but I trust He will work in me both to will 
and to do, and to him shall be the honor 
and the praise forever. It grieves me to 
hear of my aunt's indisposition : were you 
not with her I know not what she would 
do ; you must certainly be a great comfort 
to her in her present situation, stretched 



57 

upon a bed of languishing ; but I trust the 
great Physician who has laid her on it, 
stands by her and gives her the oil of joy 
for mourning, and the garments of praise 
for the spirit of heaviness ; and that the pre- 
sent dispensation will tend to brighten her, 
and that she will come forth as gold seven 
times tried, and as a corner-stone polished 
after the similitude of a palace : assure her 
of my most affectionate duty and love. 

My grandfather and grandmother are re- 
conciled to our going to meeting and leav- 
ing the public worship, and appear as affec- 
tionate as ever to us ; so fully has that pro- 
mise been fulfilled which has been often 
sealed to me, " I will make darkness light 
before thee, and crooked things straight ; 
these things will I do unto thee, and not 
forsake thee." 

To Him who has hitherto preserved you, 
my dearest Eliza, I recommend you : may 
He still watch over you for good, and may 
you, under his divine care, grow in grace, 



58 

and go on unto perfection, until you attain 
unto the measure of the stature of the ful- 
ness of Christ, and be daily weaned from 
instruments, till He shall be your all in all, 
is the breathing of my soul for you, &c. 



LETTEK II. 



TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 



August 28, 1795. 

I thank you, my dearest Judith, for your 
best of wishes : indeed it is impious to 
doubt. What did our beloved Lord die for, 
if not to save us from sin ? which is the 
only thing that can separate us from those 
blessings which eye hath not seen nor ear 
heard, &c. What a happy day will that be 
when this body of sin shall be destroyed, 
and we shall be admitted into the glorious 
liberty of the children of God ! ■ I trust I 
shall be delivered in his own good time 
from all my enemies, and that I reckon my 



59 

greatest. There is nothing too hard for the 
Lord ; we cannot ask too much or more than 
He is willing to give : let us then come 
boldly to the throne of grace, that we may 
obtain mercy and find grace to help in time 
of need ; and may you and I, my love, be 
among those happy few who shall unto all 
eternity follow the Lamb whithersoever He 
goeth ; and shall wash our robes and make 
them white in his most precious blood. 



LETTER III. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

1795. 

You are not as happy as I could wish in 
your present situation, but you must try to 
reconcile yourself to a short separation, 
knowing that you have the best of parents 
always with you, who has promised that 
you shall not be tempted above what you 
are able to bear, but will, with the tempta- 



60 

tion, make a way to escape, that you may 
be able to bear it. Another delightful idea 
is, that " By grace ye are saved, and that 
not of yourselves : it is the gift of God :" so 
you see we are kept by the power of God, 
through faith unto salvation. Have you 
not encouragement to submit (as I am sure 
you do) your temporal, as well as your 
everlasting happiness into the hands of Him 
who careth for you ? 



LETTER IV. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

Sept. 9, 1795. 

What a happy spirit that is which dear 
Eliza was directed to in a dream ! " to look 
simply to our beloved Lord in everything, 
not to ourselves or our own works ;" if we 
fall, to lean upon him to rise again, knowing 
and depending on his strength : though we 
fall we shall not be utterly cast down, for the 
Lord upholdeth us with his hand. 



61 

What wonderful kindness has He be- 
stowed upon me, blessed be his name, that 
my many falls and yieldings to temptations 
did not provoke him to cast me off forever, 
but has brought me here, where, without a 
church, without a minister, or ordinances,* 
I have felt more peace than ever I did before. 
It would be the highest ingratitude not to 
acknowledge the debt I owe him the Giver 
of every good and perfect gift. May I, in 
the whole course of my life, be it long or 
short, live to his glory, and never grieve his 
Holy Spirit, as I have done continually ! 
What a shocking thing to see so many run- 
ning on in the broad way to everlasting de- 
struction, who at the same time think them- 
selves perfectly safe, expecting the mercy of 
God, without considering we can build on no 
other foundation than that which is already 
laid, even his Son Jesus Christ. Have you 
read Cowper's Poems ? they are written in 

* Alluding to the Church as by law established 

6 



62 

the spirit of Christianity; I cannot forbear 
giving you a sample of them : — 

" A soul redeemed demands a life of praise, 
Hence the complexion of his future days ; 
Hence a demeanor holy and unspecked, 
And the world's hatred as its sure effect." 



LETTER V. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

• Sept. 25th, 1795. 

Our dear expects soon to sail 

for Gibraltar. In his way through Bristol 
he spent a little time with Eliza, who took 
him to hear a Gospel minster, who I have 
no doubt said something adapted to his state. 
Who knows when it may occur to his mind 
with double force ? And though the seed 
may be for a short time hid, and, as it were, 
a grain of mustard seed, it may yet take 
the deeper root, and bring forth the more 
fruit, to the glory of our dear Saviour, who 



63 

came not to call the righteous, but sinners 
to repentance. And should we not be the 
most ungrateful creatures in the world, did 
we not love and delight to serve our dear 
Lord, who has been so kind as to call us 
when we were rebels and enemies ? To 
call us to what ? To be heirs of God and 
joint heirs with Christ ! and when called by 
him, why not follow him through evil, as 
through good report ? Oh that we may never 
draw back, or be of that unhappy number in 
whom He has no pleasure ! 



LETTEK VI. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

1795. 

I congratulate my beloved Judith upon 

her safe arrival at , and trust the 

journey and change of air will be of use to 
you. Bodily exercise profiteth little, but 
godliness is profitable for all things, having 
the promise of this life and that which is to 



64 

come. I am more and more convinced 
every day, that all the illness I suffered at 
Bath, and last winter, was through divine 
mercy to keep me from the vain and giddy 
world ; and though I did not feel much at- 
tachment, yet I was ashamed to take up the 
cross, and dare to be singular ; but glory to 
Him who has in some degree enabled me to 
come forth from the wilderness, leaning upon 
my Beloved. Oh may I never again doubt, 
but cast all my care upon Him who careth 
for me, and never fear the cross ; for He has 
promised, He will make the yoke easy and 
the burden light. He alone can and will 
sweeten the bitter cup of adversity. He 
has promised that if we acknowledge him 
in all our ways, He will direct our paths, He 
will be our guide unto death, and after death 
our portion and happiness everlasting. Oh 
may we never stray from such a Shepherd, 
who gathers the lambs in his arms, and 
gently leads those that are with young. May 
you and I, my dear Judith, ever remain in 



65 

the inclosed garden of the Church, ready to 
answer the slightest call, even as the putting 
forth of the Beloved's finger through the hole 
of the door, let the way be ever so narrow 
or contrary to flesh and blood ; and as our 
bodies are the temples of the Holy Ghost, 
may we seek direction from him, knowing 
that in his own time He will be found of 
them that diligently seek him. 

You did not answer that part of my letter 
upon waiting in silence upon the Lord for 
divine teaching, which was a disappoint- 
ment to me, as from that I have more real 
comfort than ever I had through the me- 
dium of another. I wish every one to 
know and practise it : there is no other way 
in which self is so humbled, for it is only in 
the silence of all that is fleshly, that the 
small still voice is to be heard. Even when 
walking or working you may retire inward 
and enjoy sweet communion with the Lord ; 
and it is not, lo here, or lo there, for the 

word (Jesus Christ) is in thy mouth, and in 

6* 



66 

thy heart. My mother had a letter from 

dear . I feel hapjyy in having fulfilled 

my duty by writing to him, and having told 
him all my mind, which letter he acknow- 
ledged, and said he was very much obliged 
to me for my good advice. Oh, may the 
Lord be his preserver, and enable us to sub- 
mit to his divine will, knowing that whatso- 
ever is by his appointment is best. May 
we all meet round the throne of the Lamb, 
where no enemy can assault, nor snare 
allure, where this corruptible shall put on 
incorruption, and this mortal immortality, 
&c. 



LETTER VII. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

Nov. 14, 1795. 

I am sure it will give my dear Judith 
pleasure to hear of the safe arrival of dear 

: thanks be to Him who has preserved 

him and brought him through so many 



67 

dangerous storms, which have been fatal to 
so many. I think we have always some- 
thing or other stirring us up to gratitude 
and love, not only in these outward mer- 
cies, but in the more immediate and inward 
tokens of his love, which is incomprehensi- 
ble ; when He, whom the heaven of hea- 
vens cannot contain, condescends to dwell 
in the hearts of the meanest of his poor de- 
spised people. You, my dear Judith, seem 
in a great degree to enjoy the love of our 
dear Kedeemer ; it is a most peculiar mercy 
to have your heart and affections, especially 
at so young an age, so firmly attached to 
him. He only could preserve you in the 
midst of so many trials, and I doubt not, 
He will still watch over you with an eye of 
love, and preserve you unto his heavenly 
kingdom : and may you and I, my dearest 
Judith, devote our lives to Him whose gifts 
they are, and finish our course with joy, 
being ready to meet our Lord at any hour 
that He shall please to call. 



68 



LETTEE VIII. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

Nov. 21, 1795. 

Though I am sure I can never feel half 
gratitude enough to my condescending Re- 
deemer, for his great goodness, in bearing 
so long with me, yet, glory be to his name, 
that I can say, with truth, Lord, thou 
knowest all things ; thou knowest that I 
love thee ; whom have I in heaven but thee ? 
and there is none upon earth I desire in 
comparison of thee : at least I think so, and 
hope there is no fear of my being mistaken. 
Oh may He preserve me, and then I need not 
fear what man can do to me. I do expect 
troubles for following him, but do not fear 
them, as He has said, " My grace is suffi- 
cient for thee ;" and remembering that if we 
suffer for his sake, happy are we, for the 
spirit of glory and of God resteth on us. I 
think I would not wish to shun so glorious 



69 

a cross. The Bible, my beloved Judith, is 
only our outward rule, and is no doubt the 
book of books, but there is " a more sure 
Word of prophecy, whereunto we do well 
that we take heed, as unto a light that 
shineth in a dark place." This we may 
have without a word being said outwardly, 
and is to be found by retiring into the tem- 
ple of God, which we are ; as He saith, ^e 
are the temples of the Holy Ghost ; and 
there He will not fail to manifest himself 
unto us, as He doth not unto the world. 
He is not in the boisterous wind, nor in the 
earthquake, but in the small still voice; and 
though we can receive more comfort in thus 
waiting upon him in outward silence, yet 
He does not refuse it to us when we are en- 
gaged in business, as we turn our minds in- 
ward and seek his direction ; even with an 
aspiration, we shall feel our doubts vanish 
and our souls strengthened, and be enabled 
to follow our dear Lord whithersoever He 
goeth, This is what the prophet meant 



70 

when He said, " Eye hath not seen, nor ear 
heard beside thee, God, what thou hast 
prepared for him that waiteth upon thee :" 
in short, there are more promises made 
to quietly waiting than any other duty. 
" They that wait upon the Lord shall renew 
their strength; they shall mount up with 
wings as eagles, they shall run and not be 
weary, they shall walk and not faint." The 
Psalms are full of the same : and I can say 
from certain experience, that I have re- 
ceived more happiness from this waiting on 
my heavenly Father, than I can express 
with pen and ink. One night when doubt- 
ing on my not receiving an immediate an- 
swer that my sins were forgiven, and fear- 
ing they separated me from him, these 
words were in the strongest manner sweetly 
applied to my soul; "I have blotted out 
thy transgressions, and as a thick cloud thy 
sins." 

Try this method, and may you feel the 
comfort of it. 



71 



LET TEE IX. 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

Jan. 11, 1796. 

Sincerely do I sympathize with my dear- 
est Judith, in her very unpleasant and try- 
ing situation; but you have this comfort, 
that whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth ; 
that it is when He brings us into the low 
valley of humiliation, He gives us of his 
best cordials ; it is then He brings us into 
his banqueting-house, and his banner over 
us is love. Fear not, my dear sister, for you 
will be delivered from all your adversaries, 
inward as well as outward. They will, I 
trust, rather be of use to you, and draw you 
still nearer to Him in whom are hid all the 
treasures of the Godhead bodily. I would 
caution you, my love, from imbibing from 
your favorite Hervey the idea of imputed 
righteousness ; remember, "without holi- 
ness no man can see the Lord." If actual 



72 

holiness is not expected, of what use was 
our Lord's sermon on the mount, when He 
says, " Not every one that saith Lord, Lord, 
shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he 
that doeth the will of my Father who is in 
heaven ?" for not to the willing only, but to 
the obedient is the promise made. He says 
in another place, " Ye are my friends, if ye 
do whatsoever I command you." " If ye 
know these things, happy are ye if ye do 
them ;" for " ye shall know the truth, and 
the truth shall make you free ;" and if the 
Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall 
be free indeed. What is He to free us from ? 
He is called Jesus, for He is to save his peo- 
ple from their sins. I fear it is a very dan- 
gerous belief, and makes some too secure in 
what is nowhere promised, that it is not 
possible for them to fall off, making them 
too easy and careless, not considering, that 
He did not come to save his people in their 
sins, but from their sins ; that .they are to 
take up their cross daily, and follow him, 



73 

and that not imaginary, but real holiness is 
what He meant when He said, " Be ye holy, 
for I am holy." But think not, my Judith, 
that I mean that our works can save us, for 
very far be such a thought from me ; for in 
us, that is in our flesh, dwelleth no good 
thing. But we must take care to distinguish 
between those works wrought in our loill and 
those wrought in us by Him who condescends 
to dwell in us, and makes the hearts of his 
people his temple. The life of a Christian 
must be a continual warfare ; there must be 
a perpetual variance between the old man 
and the new : but, blessed be the name of 
the Lord, He will never withhold his gra- 
cious assistance from those who seek direc- 
tion and strength from himself only. My 
mother has, I believe, told you how much 
mistaken you were when you thought we 
were enjoying peace and quietness. Our 
portion outwardly is very different; but, 
glory be to Him, we have a comfort and 

happiness that the world knows not of, and 

7 



74 

that it can neither give nor take away. 
How do I pity those (little do they know 
what they lose) who are pursuing vain 
phantoms that elude their grasp, and only 
lead them farther on in the path of error 
and vanity, and make their way back, if 
ever they return, more difficult. I long 
much to see you and enjoy your much-loved 
society. may you be kept as in the hol- 
low of the great Shepherd's hand, and be 
led forth beside the waters of comfort, and 
be brought to us safe, that we may together 
feed beside the Shepherd's tent, and may 
know him to be our teacher and never-fail- 
ing friend in every time of trouble. 



LETTEE X. 



TO HER SISTER ELIZABETH. 

May 18, 1796. 

Knowing what anxiety my dearest Eliza 
is in, until she hears from us, I cannot be 
easy without telling her, we are all as well 



75 



as she can expect after so recent a wound.* 
My beloved mother indeed suffered much in 
mind and body, but has experienced the 
everlasting arm of Omnipotence as a refuge 
from, the storm, a shadow from the heat, and 
as a great rock in a weary land. She is able 
to sit up and take nourishment, and I trust, 
in a little time, will be enabled to leave her 
room. I believe it will be a great alleviation 
to your sorrow to hear we have had a letter 

from dear ; he says he is perfectly well, 

and the climate is more healthy than 
formerly. Oh, may he yet be spared to us, 
for a treble stroke would be hard to bear. 
Indeed, my beloved Eliza, I have great 
hopes that our dear has been merci- 
fully accepted, and the work has been cut 
short in righteousness. Nothing is too hard 
for the Almighty ; and he had a good heart, 

* This letter was written just after hearing of her eldest 
brother's death ; having some short time before heard of the 
death of another brother, both in foreign lands. These cir- 
cumstances are alluded to in a subsequent part of the letter 
where the expression " treble stroke" is used. 



76 

and has, I have reason to believe, at times 
felt the drawings of divine love in his soul : 
my dearest parent has the consolation to 
think she told him sufficient to ease her 
heart on religious subjects. 

For all our sakes, my dearest Eliza, take 
care of thyself; outward comforters avail 
but little, but in retirement and silent wait- 
ing upon the Lord strength is to be re- 
newed: in quietness and confidence shall be 
thy strength. It is only in silence that the 
inspeaking small still voice is to be heard ; 
for the Lord is not in the whirlwind, but in 
the small still voice : this I believe appears 
strange to you, as it did to me at first ; but, 
oh, try for yourself. Taste and see that the 
Lord is good. My dearest Eliza, I can write 
no more, but that we all unitedly, in the 
bonds of Gospel love, desire, that you and 
my dear aunt may be kept in that peace 
that passeth all understanding, and which 
those only can enjoy whose minds are stayed 
upon the Prince of Peace. 



77 



LETTER XL 

TO HER SISTER JUDITH. 

8th month 11, 1796. 

In a measure of that love which many 
waters cannot quench, nor the floods of 
affliction drown, do I salute thee, though 
absent in the body, yet as present in the 
Lord, in whom all his members by joints 
and bands, having nourishment ministered, 
and knit together, increase with the mea- 
sure of God. 0, my beloved sister ! what 
a privilege is it to feel the uniting influence 
of Gospel love, supporting and strengthening 
us, and enabling us to bear each other's 
burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 
This is the law of love, which sometimes 
brings me into suffering with thee, as being 
myself also bound with thee in those testi- 
monies of Jesus, which must be very trying 
to thee, and my desires are for thee to the 

God of all our mercies, that He will pre- 

7* 



78 

serve, keep, and watch over thee for good, 
and that He will favor thee and me with a 
knowledge of his will, and with ability to 
do it. 

My dearest Eliza, thou already knowest, 
is going, I believe, as fast as possible : the 
thread is almost worn, but her immortal 
soul seems fully prepared and ripe to enter 
into the joy of her Lord. She does not 
seem (except at times) to be so sensible of 
her situation as at the beginning of her ill- 
ness, when she told me she did think her 
sickness would be unto death ; as she 
seemed awakened one morning as with a 
person saying those words, "Thou shalt see 
the King in his beauty ;" which seemed as 
a message to her from heaven, it left such 
a sweetness on her mind. She is much 
drawn into stillness and waiting on the 
Lord. She told me that some time ago, 
she felt desirous to be baptized in the Ana- 
baptist way ; but she felt it clearly revealed 
to her, that the only baptism necessary, 



79 

was that of the Holy Ghost; and that as 
she received that, John's baptism of water, 
she did not want ; this she told me was 
before she knew anything of Quakers. Is 
it not an evident proof, if we wanted one, 
of the tender love of our heavenly Father to 
his truly devoted, depending children ? How 
does He give them light in their dwellings; 
while the proud, hard-hearted Egyptians are 
suffered to grope for a season, in darkness 
that may be felt ! 

Dear Eliza has not been able for this last 
week, to sit up longer than five o'clock, and 
this day was obliged to go to bed before 
one, so thou mayest judge how her poor 
body is worn down : she cannot get rest or 
ease from extreme pain in her chest, side, 
and stomach, but by laudanum. These 
dispensations must be very trying to so 
weak a frame as my beloved mother's. 
May the eternal God be her never-failing 
refuge, and his everlasting arms be her sup- 
port, is the prayer of all that is feeling 



80 

within me. There is little in my power to 
do for her, as I firmly believe all her conso- 
lation is and must be derived from the 
Comforter himself. We go to meetings, 
when our attendance on Eliza will admit 
of it. Hannah Stephenson, a minister, sat 
with us, and spoke comfortably to us, 
though she had a prospect of a fiery trial 
awaiting us beside this great one. We look 
forward to what a comforting consolation it 
is, that no affliction for the present appears 
to be joyous, but grievous, yet afterwards it 
yieldeth the peaceable fruits of holiness to 
those who are exercised thereby. Give my 

dear love to Susan and J. ; tell them I 

trust to hear of their growth in grace, and 
in the knowledge of our Saviour Jesus 
Christ; for the right knowledge of him is 
the root of immortality. I think I may 
say, without asking them, that my mother, 
aunt, and Eliza unite in love to thee, my 
precious Judith, with her who feels herself 
doubly united to thee, both in the flesh and 



81 

in the Lord, and is thy truly affectionate 
sister, 

Lucy Ussher. 

Salute those of the household of fath that 
are particularly dear to me, in my name. 



LETTER XII. 



TO A FRIEND. 



Impute not, my endeared friend, my 
long silence to a want of that gratitude and 
love, which fills my heart toward thee, 
whenever I am capable of any feeling from 
the right source ; but ah, my way has been 
so much in the valley of the shadow of 
death, that all communication, even with 
thee, who at seasons seems as bone of my 
bone and flesh of my flesh, was quite cut 
off. I have not found liberty to open the 
state of my poor tossed mind to any one ; 
but to thee, I believe I may say, that my 



82 

soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death. 
I did hope to have seen thee, and that thy 
sympathizing heart would have afforded 
suitable instruction or reproof. I look not 
for consolation or encouragement, but " Let 
the righteous smite me, it shall be a kind- 
ness, and let him reprove me, it shall be as 
excellent oil which shall not break my head." 
Oh ! were I to tell thee the various plungings 
of my spirit, it would far exceed the bounds 
of a letter ; nor do I think it would be ex- 
pedient to do so, knowing that patience must 
have its perfect work, and He, whose name 
is Wonderful, will not lay more upon me 
than He will enable me to bear. When I 
look forward, I think my natural strength 
must fail, if the weight of suffering should 
continue much longer ; but I feel the grain of 
faith is mercifully afforded, though secretly, 
to my drooping soul. And shall I not leave 
myself in his holy hands, to do with me as 
He pleases ? yes, my beloved friend, for 
surely I wanted emptying ; under the sense 



83 

of which it has frequently been the language 
of my heart in times past, turn thy hand 
upon me, purely purge away my dross, and 
take away all my tin. 
Dearly farewell, 

Thy truly affectionate afflicted, 

Lucy Ussher. 



EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS, ETC. 



Judith, the third sister, died of a consump- 
tion after a short confinement, early in the 
year 1798, aged eighteen years and about 
three months. 

This precious child had, by nature, some- 
what more to subdue than her sisters ; but, 
being daily favored by the touches of divine 
truth, and made sensible of its attractive 
loveliness, she hesitated not, but gave herself 
up to its powerful influence, knowing all she 
could do was to be as passive clay in the 
hand of the great Potter. By thus sub- 
mitting, the Lord, in whom she delighted, 
worked mightily for her deliverance, and 



85 

subdued all things unto himself. Her bap- 
tisms were deep and incommunicable ; she 
dwelt much in inward retirement, and her 
words were few and weighty. She bore her 
last sickness with unremitted patience and 
meekness ; and often said, there was no cloud 
before her. Two days previous to her de- 
cease, she was obliged to take to her bed, 
when she sweetly said, had it been permitted, 
she hoped to have been of the number of 
those who were not confined to bed, that she 
might not give trouble. The next morning 
her mental faculties were much impaired ; 
she seemed to lose the recollection of those 
about her, until one of her brothers came 
into the room, when she called out : " Oh, 

, all is peace, sweet peace!" Before her 

departure, she seemed long engaged in sup- 
plication ; but these words only were clearly 
understood : " It is all grace, free grace and 
mercy!" After which, with upraised eyes 
and hands, expressed she saw an angel ! 



86 

when quickly her sweet spirit took its flight 
to the mansions of eternal rest and peace. 

She was admitted into membership with 
the Society of Friends about eighteen months 
before her decease. 

A covenant with God, made by her when 
about thirteen years old : — 

" Almighty and incomprehensible Being, 
I am now about to fulfil what has been long 
foretold by the prophet Isaiah : ' One shall 
say I am the Lord's, and another shall call 
himself by the name of Israel." I do here, 
before thee, this night, my heavenly 
Father, subscribe with my hand that I am 
thine \ and I do, from the bottom of my heart, 
desire no portion but thee, my God : deny, or 
give me what thou pleasest, but never let 
me be without thee, and I shall have enough ; 
in thee is centred all my happiness. I do, 
from this moment, renounce all the pomps 
and vanities of this false, wicked world ; but 
oh, what have I to renounce, but what would 
forever make me miserable ! 



87 

" Let angels and archangels be my wit- 
nesses, if ever I am so base as to break this 
my covenant ; let my name witness against 
me. 

"Judith Ussher." 



LETTER I. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1794. 



I much wish to be with my dearest friends, 
to retire oftener, and to have more communion 
with my God ; that God who will never leave 
us if we look up to him at all times and 
places. Oh that we may cleave to Him with 
our whole heart, that when temptations arise 
we may not be like the ruffled sea, but that 
we may look with fresh confidence to the 
rock from whence we are hewn, and receive 
fresh strength ; may this be all our case. 



LETTER II. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



I rejoice that my sweet Lucy enjoys such 
true happiness in our dear Lord : may she 



89 

be kept by the power of God unto salvation : 
may He keep her from the poisonous snares 
and temptations of the world. It was He 
who drew us, blessed be his name, from the 
yawning gulf which leads to everlasting 
misery, to know him that is true, and Jesus 
Christ whom He sent to perform for us, what, 
by reason of our sinful nature, we could not, 
by thought, word or deed, perform for our- 
selves ; that by faith in his perfect righteous- 
ness and meritorious death, we may have a 
key to the blessed mansions of eternity. 
What a delightful, but much-neglected book 
is the Bible ; how should it be valued by the 
children of God ! In it are promises to sup- 
port us in the midst of temptations, and un- 
der the rod of adversity, and to keep us hum- 
ble when Providence with his liberal hand 
dispenses his favors more profusely. May we 
know, at least in some degree, how to value 
such a God, who of his great mercy has, in 
this our pilgrimage, given us such innumera- 
ble, great, and valuable blessings, that we 
8* 



90 

may not only from these, but from his more 
immediate promises, firmly believe that He 
will never leave us nor forsake us. When I 
look back on my past life, and consider the 
great mercies of my God, my heart exults 
with fearful joy ; with fear, lest before I 
finish my course (knowing that in myself I 
am a poor weak nothing), T should in the 
least draw back, for then my God would 
have no pleasure in me, and I could no longer 
call him, my Abba. Oh that my Lord may 
keep me from such an end ; for as in him 
alone is my righteousness, so in him only have 
I any strength ! Oh ! may He who has begun 
a good work in me, never cease continuing it, 
until it is perfectly completed. May you 
and I, much-beloved friends, when time shall 
be no more, meet in that boundless immen- 
sity, and join those happy souls that eternally 
sing hallelujahs to the Lamb, who has washed 
us in his blood, and through whose most per- 
fect righteousness we only can and will be 
admitted there. My dear mother, what shall 



91 

I say ? I am grieved ; I tremble, for my poor 

. Oh that our prayers may go up as 

incense before our heavenly Father for her 
everlasting welfare, that the blessed Spirit 
may, with its enlivening influence, draw the 
veil from off her understanding, and show 
her her wretched condition, and at the same 
glance, a dear and dying Saviour, who will, 
if she does not resist his visitations, wash her 
in his sacred blood. I conclude with a line 
that often occurs to me, particularly when in 
company with those by whom I am sur- 
rounded : — 

" They build too low, who build beneath the skies," &c. 



LETTER III. 



TO HER SISTER ELIZABETH. 

1795. 



Will my dearest and most beloved Eliza 
accept of a few lines from her Judith, who 



92 

not only loves her with the strongest ties of 
sisterly affection, but feels, united with it, 
some of that love which the children of our 
heavenly Father feel for each other ? I find I 
am as utterly unable to do anything for my- 
self, towards my eternal salvation, as a poor 
helpless infant ; that even the thoughts of 
my heart are evil. He well knew what was 
in man who said, the heart is desperately 
wicked, who can know it ? Oh then, what 
inconceivable love was that which made our 
dearest Saviour come in the form of a ser- 
vant, clothed with flesh ! He who hated the 
least shadow of iniquity, to bear the heavy 
weight of our sins upon him ! Oh delightful 
thought, that though our sins be as scarlet, 
yet washed in his most precious blood, they 
shall be like wool ; or red as crimson, they 
shall be white as snow. Still, my dearest 
Eliza, I want that strong witness in myself, 
which is promised to all God's children, for 
which I wait with patience till his appointed 
time ; for I have a strong hope, that He who 



93 

has begun a good work in me, will not leave 
it until He has perfectly completed it. I 
often think how gracious the Lord has been 
in drawing our poor sinful souls to him, who 
were gone astray like poor lost sheep from 
the great Shepherd and Bishop of our souls ; 
and though the means seemed grievous at 
the time (for I am sure it was brought about 
by my illness), it will teach us for the future 
to kiss the rod with cheerfulness, not only 
without repining, but with glad hearts, know- 
ing that everything shall work together for 
good to them that love God. I do love him, 
for He first loved me, and I would not give 
up the comfortable feeling of his love for all 
the false pleasures of this world, even were 
they all united. I feel much obliged to you 
and my dear aunt for your tender concern 

about my going to , for fear I should be 

drawn away by the people of this world; 
were I to trust to myself, I might fear, but 
not more there than here. I throw myself 
entirely on my heavenly Father, for of him 



94 

cometh my help. None of us can know who 
may be made use of as an instrument to 
draw some poor soul to think seriously of 
their want of a Saviour. May we go on 
from grace to grace, from faith to faith, till 
our bodies are laid in the peaceful grave, 
and our souls are exalted to the mansions of 
eternal bliss, which were prepared for us 
from the foundation of the world. 



LETTER IV. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 



my dear mother, are we not poor, weak, 
frail mortals in ourselves ! For my part, 
every day I live, I feel the great depravity 
of my nature, which, without the inter- 
ference of divine love, would forever lead 
me astray ; but all praise and glory be attri- 
buted to that God who has led me to that 
fountain opened for sin and uncleanliness, 



95 

where I may wash and be cleansed ! I long 
much to be with you, yet may the Al- 
mighty's will be done. I have every reason 
to be thankful, for his arm has been ex- 
tended to preserve me unstung amidst 

thistles. You who were in , though for 

a short time, must know my very unpleasant 
situation, better than my pen can describe ; 
and though this is but a small village, its 
inhabitants are alike engrossed, having their 
thoughts grovelling in earthly vanities, when 
they know not the minute their tottering 
cottages may be rased, and the unprepared 
possessors be compelled to quit their beloved 
abodes. The Lord be praised, who, though 
He afflicts, does not shut up his bowels of 

compassion from us. Last , being 's 

day for seeing company, I had more time for 
retirement ; and in the evening, on opening 
my Bible, this promise, in the 54th of 
Isaiah (with others in the same chapter) 
was comfortably instilled into my soul : "■ 
thou afflicted, tossed with tempests, and not 



96 

comforted, behold I will lay thy stones with 
fair colors, and lay thy foundations with 
sapphires," &c. &c. I do everything I can 
that I think may be the means of drawing 

the hearts of to Him who is ready 

to receive them as his adopted children, if 
they will not be deaf to his kind entreaties. 

I feel much for my dear ; may 

she think seriously before her precious soul 
takes flight unto unknown regions. May 
God, in his merey, retain it in its aged castle, 
until the north wind blow, and, by its pow-^ 
erful influence, make her sensible of her 
wretched condition ; then may the south 
wind, breathing its benign influence, calm 
the severity of the former, and discover a 
royal Advocate, who is ready to do all the 
most undone sinner can want or expect ! 

May my dear also imbibe advantage 

by her correspondence with our beloved 
Eliza; may she be convinced of her state, 
and of the great peace and happiness which 
the sons and daughters of Jehovah enjoy. 



97 

I rely on the mercy and power of Him who 
has drawn the hearts of so many of our very 
undeserving family to himself. Have you 

heard anything of our dear ? may God 

keep him, as he has done hitherto, from 
danger ; and grant that he may yet be one 
of those diamonds which compose our royal 
Master's diadem. Some branches in the vine 
shoot up with great velocity ; while others 
with less speed advance, I trust, with equal 
firmness : your Judith has been one of the 
latter. I acknowledge, I have not as yet 
experienced the great comfort of silent wait- 
ing on my dear Lord, which you were so 
kind as to recommend me by experience, 
and by giving me a desire for it ; but con- 
sider, my dear friend, your outward tran- 
quillity and quiet state, while I am exposed 
on all sides to thistles and briers, from which, 
without the aid of an invisible, but support- 
ing arm, I could never escape unhurt ; but 

I must not repine, and as He who said they 

9 



98 

should not be ashamed that wait for him, 
cannot lie, I will wait in faith. 



LETTEE V. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

1795. 

I AM sorry your health still continues 
poorly. I trust in the great Physician that 
if it be his will to afflict the body, He will 
of his great and never-ceasing mercy, instil 
the more solid comfort into the soul, and 
patience to endure his chastening, which is 
all sent in love. Eead from 5th to 8th verse 
of the 12th chapter of Hebrews, and 11th 
verse of ditto ; there is comfort both for you 
and me ; may we receive it as such. Oh may 
you and I, my dear mother, go on from faith 
to faith, from grace to grace, overcoming, 
through the strength of our dear Almighty 
Champion, all enemies — both spiritual and 
temporal. Though our bodies may be sorely 



99 

pricked with thorns and briers, and our 
hearts grieved for all our remaining sins, 
let us, with humble faith, rely on the pro- 
mised Word for help, remembering that He 
that loveth us, will love us to the end, and 
the more He chastens, the more strength 
He gives to endure, &c. 



LETTER VI. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

Oct. 21, 1795. 

When I received your last letter, my mind 
was eased of many uneasy fears, whicluarose 
in it by reason of the long silence which had 
prevailed ; it also administered comfort to 
hear by it, that you enjoy the greatest of 
peace, by drawing from the fountain-head of 
bliss, true and solid happiness, — which is 
there only to be found. My dear mother, I 

am quite afraid of j her whole time and 

attention are given up to novels ; they are her 



100 

study, even before breakfast. I asked her, 
the other evening, what she thought of 
people being born of the Spirit ? Her answer 
was, she never thought about it ; that if she 
did all the good she could, it was all that 
could be required of her. When I try to 
bring up the conversation, she immediately 
evades it. I have no hopes but in Him, 
with whom nothing is impossible. Every 
blessing attend you, even to the utmost. 



LETTEK VII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

Nov. 5, 1795. 

I think I cannot leave this till our return 

from ; but, protected by my dear Lord, 

I shall be safe wherever his divine hand 
shall direct. I have long found that we can- 
not always do the things that we would ; 
but I must not, I will not repine : the Lord's 
will be done. What you say of dear Lucy 



101 

gave me great pleasure : may that holy In- 
spirer who has drawn her heart, still keep it 
fixed on that object who is the most lovely 
among ten thousand; and keep her disen- 
tangled from the snares of Satan and the 
world, whose delusive pleasures I sincerely 
hope may no longer have any charms for 
her. May she prefer imitating the industri- 
ous bee, to decorating herself in the gaudy 
plumes of the butterfly. We must trust 

Almighty power for the safety of dear . 

He who holds the winds in his fist, and the 
waters in the hollow of his hand, is able, and 
I trust willing to protect him. 



LETTER VIII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

Jan. 29, 1796. 

I look forward with delight to the time 
when I may have the company of my near- 
est and dearest friends. You know not whe- 
ther I may not sometimes accompany you 

9* 



102 

to meetings. Always, ray beloved mother, 
since unrestrained by you, you were not un- 
acquainted with what my desires were before 
I left you, which are now greatly increased. 
I am not ignorant that persecution awaits 
me from every quarter, from what you tell 
me of yourself and my dearest Lucy ; but 
leaning entirely on my Beloved, and armed 
with his strength, though in myself entirely 
helpless, I shall be enabled to share it with 
you, and pass through this world, regardless 
of the gilded, but poisonous pleasures it offers; 
while pity predominates in my heart for 
those who are still heedless of a superior 
bliss, making my Saviour's will the rule of 
my actions, while his blessed spirit is the 
guide of my ways and the director of all my 
paths. 

I am obliged to you for the texts you have 
pointed out to me ; they are really delight- 
ful, and when by faith presented to ourselves, 
convey true comfort : I would add the Epis- 
tle of James, 



103 



LETTER IX. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

Feb. 2, 1796. 

I received my dear mother's letter, and 
though I sensibly feel for your situation, it 
gave me pleasure to find that your heart and 
affections are so irrevocably fixed where your 
treasure is, that the scornings and malicious 
slanders of a town, blinded by its follies, are 
insufficient to shake your faith, grounded on 
a foundation more lasting than the hills or 
mountains. How do I pity the wretched 
state of our acquaintance. My heart is de- 
pressed, and my spirits languid ; methinks I 
hear my tender parent, ever anxious for my 
welfare, requesting me to disclose to her the 
reasons : consider for a while, and your mo- 
mentary fears will vanish. You that wade 
through such hot persecutions to attend to 
the voice of our Lord wherever He calls, must 
feel for one who would accompany you re- 



104 

joicing, but who is forced to act contrary to 
the will of her dear Master. Am I not as 
one that turns aside from his flock when de- 
siring to follow their footsteps, and to keep 
close to the Shepherd's tent ? Here I am in 
the midst of worldlings, when commanded 
to come out from among them, and to sepa- 
rate myself from them. My Sunday, which 
I would be happy to devote entirely to my 
own good, I am obliged to spend with people 
who seem ignorant how to hallow it, and to 
hear the sacred name continually profaned. 
When that day is thus spent, you may nearly 
guess how the rest of the week revolves. 
Cards and novels are the two prevailing 
amusements. The latter I am unavoidably 
obliged to hear, the consequence of which, 
not seldom, draws a flood of tears from my 
eyes, for some silly sentence too often ob- 
trudes upon my thoughts, naturally prone to 
evil, when I would have them fixed far 
above the world and its mean enjoyments: 
with the Psalmist, I can truly say, " My soul 



105 

longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of 
my Lord ; my heart and my flesh cry out 
for the living God. I had rather be a door- 
keeper in the house of my God, than to 
dwell in the tents of wickedness." May you 
and I, my highly favored parent, regardless 
of any name by which the vain world would 
brand us, follow their example, by making 
all our actions coincide not only with our 
Saviour's express commands, but with his 
will, wherever we can discern the least indi- 
cation of it, and when we have done all, He 
must be " the Lord our righteousness." 

I have studied the chapters my dear mo- 
ther particularly mentioned, and though per- 
sonally unknown, think your new acquaint- 
ance a happy set of people. 



LETTER X. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

February 12, 1796. 

I this morning received my dear mother's 



106 

letter, which, like the preceding ones, was 
dictated by that affection which surpasses 
the fondness of a parent to the darling of 
her heart, when unenforced by a stronger 
spiritual tie. Your advice is always salutary, 
because directed by that influence which 
cannot err ; but be assured, rny ever-valued 
friend, that what I cannot reconcile with the 
word of truth, will be unable to influence 
my conduct. Pardon my blunt assertion, — - 
you have encouraged me to make it; our 
souls cast anchor on the same immovable, 
sacred rock; and the comfortable Gospel 
truths are, I trust, the firm belief of us both ; 
besides, I know not whether even in out- 
ward forms we differ. As I have many 
questions to ask you on that subject, I pro- 
pose deferring it till we meet. Let the world 
say what they please, if the Lord will, I am 
resolved I will adhere to the Scriptures as 
far as I can discern his will ; and that where 
his word is simply and truly preached, with- 
out being mixed with the doctrines of men, 



107 

there I will resort ; be they ever so branded 
with the most infamous of names, and 
esteemed the dregs and refuse of the earth. 
Our blessed Lord has taught us, both, by 
word and experience, that we cannot serve 
both God and mammon, and that a man's 
enemies are those of his own household. I 
thank God, some of the principal, most 
beloved of mine, are fellow-travellers in the 
same narrow road to Zion \ but I know I 
have many enemies to encounter, and hav- 
ing many sweet and precious promises of 
divine succor from above, I will trust and 
not be afraid. 

I have now, unembarrassed, laid before 
the friend of my bosom some of my real 
sentiments, to whom I shall not only be 
ever ready, but shall esteem it a great favor 
to be permitted to throw open the door of 
my heart, that there unveiled you may view 
its contents, being assured you will continu- 
ally discover to your Judith, every thought, 
whether great or small. I look forward with 



108 

great delight, to when I need not have re- 
course to my pen to converse with my in- 
valuable friends. Eemember me to . 

Oh that they would now, in this day of salva- 
tion, hearken to the Word of life, believing 
its reviving truths, and accept of the free 
salvation offered by the wounds of a dying 
Saviour, that when they depart this life, 
they may fall asleep in Christ, and awake 
to joys unknown ! 



LETTER XL 

TO HER MOTHER. 

March 2, 1796. 

Next Tuesday I trust I shall be restored 
to friends rendered dearer than ever by a 
long and painful absence, and unspeakably 
precious by ties superior to those by which 
nature has united us : yes, my ever-valued 
parent, if that God who superintends the 
goings of all mortals will now favor. 



109 

Yet think not I shall leave this place 
without a sigh, — pity strengthened by love 
for those with whom I have so long lived, 
has stationed itself in my heart : what words, 
when present, could not do, may, if aided by 
divine grace, be effected in a few lines. There 
are many here whose blindness I pity, while 
I despise the baneful pleasures they pursue. 



LETTEE XII. 

TO HER SISTER ELIZABETH. 

July 7, 1796. 

Since I received your letter, my dearly 
beloved Eliza, I have often felt an inclina- 
tion to salute you with my pen, and I have 
as many times deferred it. Ah ! is not this 
too often the case, even in circumstances of 
far more weighty consideration, which, being 
from time to time delayed, help to weaken 
the poor mind, and at last lie dormant ? On 

the contrary, if the inward monitor was 
10 



110 

immediately and implicitly obeyed, though 
to try our faith it may sometimes lead us 
through the dark valley, where there is 
nothing to be seen on either side, yet at the 
end, what sweet peace, even that which 
passeth natural understanding, would the 
tried, but obedient mind, be favored to 
enjoy ! Excuse any past deficiency, and re- 
ceive this from a sister who sincerely loves 
you, and who, I think, sensibly feels for you, 
during the complicated trials with which 
your heavenly Father sees meet temporally 
to afflict you. Eemember my dear sister, 
that though no affliction may for the present 
appear to be joyous but grievous, yet at the 
end it yieldeth the peaceable fruits of righte- 
ousness, unto them who are exercised there- 
by ! Many are the trials and the afflictions of 
the righteous, but the Lord, in whom is their 
ivJiole trust and dependence, will, in his own 
time, deliver them out of all. 

May my Eliza feel, under the chastening 
rod of her tender Father, which is sent in 



Ill 



love, the great I Am's supporting staff se- 
cretly strengthening and comforting her pre- 
cious soul, is the ardent but feeble breathing 
of my soul for you. He is the staff of living 
bread with which I believe He will feed you 
himself, and give you of the living waters of 
the heavenly fountain to drink, in great 
measure, and will never leave you nor for- 
sake you. I trust that seeing my beloved 
mother and Lucy, and their dwelling with 
you for a time, will be made a means of 
comfort to you, for truly I find their com- 
pany salutary and delightful to my poor 
mind, which has of late been much tossed on 
many hidden as well as visible things. The 
prospect of a separation from such truly valu- 
able friends, has for some time been very 
painful to me, and unless a portion of inward 
strength is secretly handed to my soul, I 
fear I shall not part with them with that 
resignation to the divine will (by whose im- 
mediate appointment I believe we are thus 
to be separated) with which I desire to be 



112 

supported, through all the appointed or per- 
mitted trials which may fall to my share, 
while passing through this tribulatory life. 
May we under every dispensation be enabled 
to say, " Father, not my will, but thine alone 
be done." I do not wish to tire my beloved 
Eliza, therefore I will abridge this letter. 
Give my dear love to my aunt; may you 
both feel that He who is the pure light of 
the spiritual soul, is your secret supporter 
and never-failing help in every time of need ; 
your trials may be great, but I believe they 
never will exceed the strength administered 
to bear them with Christian patience. My 
pen would run on, but I must retard its pro- 
gress with committing you to the care of 
Him who careth for you — from your un- 
worthy sister, who loves you more than in 
an affectionate manner, 

Judith Ussher. 

P. S. I have, by writing you these few 
lines, eased my mind of a burden with which 
I have been long depressed. 



113 



LETTER XIII. 

TO A FRIEND. 

July 12, 1796. 

I take up my pen to salute my dearly be- 
loved friend, whom I was in hopes of seeing 
this day at meeting, and afterwards spending 
an hour with, but from outward circum- 
stances, and from what I can gather from 
inward feeling, I shall be, I apprehend, in 
my place by staying [at home] this day. 
Though apparently separated from you, my 
mind often pays you a secret visit, and 
sweetly remembers the few minutes that I 
was favored to spend in your company, when 
last in town, which were too sweet and salu- 
tary to be soon forgotten. 

I could have stayed, and in the evening I 

scarcely knew how to part. There is much 

to be felt from the influence of other spirits, 

which I have of late been led to consider as 

particularly dangerous to me, in my present 
10* 



114 

state, and, of course, requires a continual 
guard over thoughts, words, and actions. 
Ah ! how weak and unstable am I, to be 
placed in so perilous a situation ; may I, then, 
be enabled to get up into my watchtower, 
and remain there during all the various vicis- 
situdes of this wintry season ; for surely the 
Lord is a strong tower of defence to the weak 
and weary soul, that flies to him for refuge 
from its destroyers, as David did from the 
hand of Saul. I have renewedly likened 
my present travel to the Israeli tes' journey 
through the barren wilderness, to which my 
feelings incline me to believe it bears some 
small resemblance. But, ah ! saith my soul, 
may it not through disobedience be cut off 
there, but pass forward, without murmuring, 
and be content to dip deep in the baptizing 
waters of Jordan ; and even, if it is seen 
meet by the great Master, pass through the 
furnace, so that it may be cleansed from all 
dross, and the filth of the flesh, with which 
I feel so incumbered that my soul secretly 






115 

mourns and feebly breathes unto its Beloved, 
for the refining influence to pass over it, that 
it may be fit for the Master's inspection, and 
in due season enter the promised land. While 
my fears are continually, in some measure, 
raised for myself, and the watchman is, as it 
were, sounding the alarm in mine ears, in 
this land of spiritual drought, my soul is, at 
seasons, secretly exercised for my beloved 

and , (who, though separate, I think 

their situations pretty equal), lest the ever- 
watchful adversary of their souls' happiness 
should beguile them as he did Eve, and take 
the Word of life out of their hearts, and plant 
therein thorns and briers. Ah ! that on the 
contrary, they may be as engrafted branches 
in the heavenly Vine, bringing forth much 
goodly fruit to the praise and honor of Him 
who is the head. 

I received a letter this morning from my 
beloved mother ; she seemed thankful to our 
blessed Lord for a delightful voyage of seven- 
teen hours ; they were then going to a little 



116 

meeting, it being first day ; she said, I must 
not expect favorable accounts of our dear 
Eliza, which, indeed, from the commence- 
ment of her illness, I had but little reason to 
hope for. Knowing the sweet frame of her 
mind, I think I could, in some measure, 
patiently resign her to her dear Lord, with 
whom, I believe, her precious soul will, on 
its exit from mortality, ever after reside. 



LETTER XIV. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

July 15, 1796. 

My dearly beloved mother's letter, convey- 
ing the pleasing intelligence of her safety, 
and of my dearest Lucy, was truly acceptable 
to me. I trust you have by this concluded 
your journey with equal cause for gratitude 
to the great unerring Disposer of us un- 
worthy worms. May we be sensible of his 



117 

favors so unmerited, and render unto him 
his due tribute of grateful praise. When my 
thoughts are engaged in a retrospective view 
of the infinite mercy of our heavenly Father 
to my soul, in redeeming it from the bonds 
of Egyptian slavery, and his condescending 
goodness in renewedly feeding me with such 
portions of food as He sees best and most 
convenient for it, how am I grieved still to 
find therein, so much of the adamantine 
nature which has not yet been penetrated 
by the softening rays of the Sun of righte- 
ousness. May you be preserved, my beloved 
mother, through all the various trials that 
are in infinite wisdom allotted to you ; yea, 
and though you may renewedly have to 
pass, as through the fiery furnace, I do 
believe you will be upheld by an Almighty 
hand. An inward, comfortable persuasion 
has attended my mind, which, though I am 
fearful of mentioning, I believe I shall not 
find peace in my mind unless I write it to 
you : though the Lord may please to cause 



118 

you to pass through the burning, fiery fur- 
nace, and the flames be so hot, that you may 
be encompassed with fear lest you should 
suffer in ' the best sense — yet fear not ; as 
certain as He accompanied the three children, 
He will be with you, and not suffer those 
robes with which He has clothed you, to be 
either singed or scorched by the flames. 

My beloved mother, what great fear has 
encompassed me in communicating to you 
these few words, knowing how very deceitful 
the heart is, lest they should have sprung 
from a corrupt spring; but if I am not 
greatly deceived in my feelings, they were 
not of my own creating, or written in my 
own will. I fear you found our beloved 
Eliza worse, as to bodily health, than you 
expected, but her precious soul raised above 
the cares of the body, and calmly resigned 
to the will of Him who makes all things 
work together for good, to them who love 
and fear him. 



119 



LETTEE XV. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

July 23, 1796. 

My beloved mother's letter gave me plea- 
sure, so far as it communicated her agreeable 
journey 7 and safe arrival at Bristol; but 
when I heard of the many symptoms, which 
apparently threaten the approaching dissolu- 
tion of our beloved Eliza, it conveyed intelli- 
gence which was truly painful, but was not 
more than I was prepared for. It is my 
desire to be restrained from wishing to retain 
her precious soul from entering into that 
blissful eternity, into which, I believe, it will 
undoubtedly enter, richly laden with hea- 
venly fruit, when time to her here shall be 
no more. May we each be willing tran- 
quilly to resign her unto Him from whom 
we have received her ; not only because she 
may depart, but because it is the good plea- 
sure of our heavenly Father to take her unto 



120 



himself, for which blessed purpose He has, 
in early life, prepared her immortal soul. 
Though a separation from her would be a 
severe trial, and to you, my dear mother, a 
season of renewed affliction, yet, as you are 
a witness to the composed tranquillity and 
resignation which is apparent in her counte- 
nance, and which by her conversation evi- 
dently denotes her angelic frame of mind, 
and readiness to depart from this state of 
mortality, and enter into the undisturbed 
regions of eternity, where the wicked cease 
from troubling, and the weary are at rest, 
where " They shall hunger no more, neither 
thirst any more, neither shall the sun light 
on them, nor any heat," but they shall be 
led by the " living fountains of waters, and 
God shall wipe away all tears from their 
eyes," what consolation must these weighty 
considerations, when weighed in an even 
balance, tend to impart to the feeling mind 
of my valued mother ! May the Almighty 
arm of divine love continually surround, 



121 

support, comfort, and strengthen you, and 
may you, in the clay of conflicting trials, 
secretly view the royal sceptre of divine 
approbation held forth, encouraging your 
precious soul to keep above the many waters 
which threaten to overwhelm it, is the secret 
and renewed desire of my soul, which feels 
at times so stripped and void of what is truly 
good, that it is almost led to question, 
whether it ever experienced the living ope- 
rative power of Truth at work therein. But 
at other seasons, I am almost willing to be- 
lieve these are, in some measure, suggestions 
raised by my ever-watchful adversary. How- 
ever, it has undoubtedly felt, in a very small 
degree, somewhat resembling the blind man, 
when he could but imperfectly distinguish 
" men as trees walking :" may I be willing 
renewedly to plunge into the waters of 
Siloam. How is my mind bowed down 
under a sense of inherent corruption with 
which it is encompassed : the language which 

I still use is become so great a weight, that 
11 



122 

at times I have remained silent for want of 
power to express myself. I know not whether 
a change therein will be soon or late required 
of me, but from what I have long felt, I 
believe I shall be called on to use that which 
is most consistent with the simplicity of 
truth, while dwelling here. May I, when 
the command goes forth, in obedience there- 
to, be enabled to cast this burden at the feet 
of the great Shepherd of his sheep, and 
humbly to wait there for such portions of 
strength as He sees meet to administer. 

Respecting our beloved , my grandfa- 
ther is perfectly satisfied that you should 
have him, to do as you please with him, and 
bring him up in any religious society most 
agreeable to you ; as to the nomination, he 
seems quite indifferent, so that he lead an 
honest life. He also wishes to have him 
brought up to any employment most ap- 
proved of by you ; he says he will not inter- 
fere, and desires me to say what I could to 
ease your mind. Have we not, my beloved 



123 



mother, abundant reason, in a feeling sense 
of gratitude, to own that the Lord doth won- 
derfully turn the hearts of the children of 
men, so as to perform his gracious purpose 
towards them, who endeavor simply to fol- 
low him in the path of truth ? I doubt not 
but thy heart has been already warmed with 
it, in a more lively manner than words can 
express. 



LETTER XVI. 

TO A FRIEND. 

7th month 27, 1796. 

I think I feel as if I had made a sort of 
promise to my beloved friend, that I would 
inform her when I heard from my dear mo- 
ther respecting my precious sister. I now 
sit down with an intention to forward a few 
lines, hoping my past seeming deficiency will 
not be regarded as a breach of that love 
which I undoubtedly feel for you, and is, I 



124 

believe, all the good that springs from this 
heart, unworthy the sympathy of my friends. 
My dear mother and Lucy were- favored to 
arrive safe and well at the Hotwells, the 
third evening after their landing in Milford, 
where they found our dear Eliza as bad as 
they could have expected ; a cough, attended 
with much pain, spitting, night-sweats, and 
a continual fever, are all symptoms tending 
to confirm our apprehensions of its being a 
consumption. My dear mother mentioned 
that the physicians have but little hopes, 
and that she has none. But through this 
disease, which only afflicts the body, she car- 
ries in her countenance an angelic smile, 
which denotes her sweet frame of mind, the 
undisturbed peace which veils it as with a 
mantle, and her readiness to quit this vale 
of tears, when the heavenly messenger calls 
her from hence into the bosom of her dear 
Lord. If it is the determination of a Provi- 
dence that cannot err, to deprive us. of her 
at this early stage of life, when youth, and 



125 

those Christian graces which are the fruits of 
the Spirit of God, seem to arrive at their full 
bloom, may we be but resigned to the gra- 
cious will, and supported under the chasten- 
ing hand of a tender Father, and consoled 
when we consider into whose care we com- 
mit her immortal soul : for surely I believe 
the day's work is almost finished, and that 
she is ripe for that eternity, into which I 
doubt not she is about to enter. Oh that we 
may each be preserved through all the pro- 
bations and deep baptisms which necessarily 
attend these mortal bodies, and be enabled 
to keep in our respective places, that so when 
the awful errand alights at our doors, that 
time to us here shall be no longer, we may 
with composure look back on our past lives, 
and forward with holy unmixed joy. While 
I am ready to crave that our latter days 
may thus close, yet a hope scarce remains 
that I shall attain to such an end. Ah ! 
did my beloved friend but know the state of 

this corrupt heart, I am apt to believe, pity 
11* 



126 

rather than love, would kindle in her soul 
for me. My mind has been for some time 
greatly depressed and brought very low un- 
der a feeling sense of the great depravity of 
my nature, which seems engrafted therein, 
and, like a subtle serpent, to entwine round 
my inward parts. When walking a few days 
ago in a garden, a lily attracted my atten- 
tion ; then how did the thought sink deep 
into my soul, that the soul that appears with 
acceptance in the presence of the Most High, 
must be clad in garments as pure and white 
as that lovely flower. How did I, and 
do I, fear I shall never attain to the being 
clothed with these unspotted robes, which I 
am persuaded is the beauty of the renewed 
soul. Oh ! when with a heart overloaded 
with breathings, I would look towards the 
mercy seat, to be so cleansed and washed from 
my great corruptions, by that Power which 
alone contains efficacy sufficient to wipe off 
those stains with which I am polluted, I feel 
unworthy to hope for anything from thence, 



127 

and sighs are the language I utter. Daniel's 
pathetic complaint is what my soul has 
adopted, and is most expressive of my state ; 
" My comeliness is turned in me into corrup- 
tion, and I retain no strength." 

Being prevented from sending this yester- 
day, I propose adding a few lines before I 
conclude. On retiring last evening to my 
chamber, and endeavoring to gather into an 
inward silence, my mind was for a while in- 
volved in darkness ; when unexpectedly I 
felt that now was the appointed time ; in obe- 
dience to the great Shepherd, I should no 
longer use that language which is far from 
being agreeable to the simplicity of Truth, 
and which has long been, more or less, a 
burden almost intolerable for me to bear : 
then I was desirous, that if it was the voice 
of Truth I heard, I might, on opening the 
Bible, meet with some passage that would 
confirm it, but instead thereof, these words 
were impressed on my mind, " Blessed are 
they that have not seen, and yet have be- 



128 

lieved." When I rose this morning the 
subject again opened, and at the same time 
many besetting difficulties occurred, which I 
knew I had not power to surmount, unless 
the All-supporting arm succored me in that 
time of need, and there seemed to arise a 
wish that the command had not yet been 
given, which I hope was accompanied with 
a fear lest I should move before the right 
time : but these, and many other words, 
seemed to be brought into my recollection, 
" My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither 
are your ways my ways." " To obey is bet- 
ter than sacrifice, and to hearken than the 
fat of rams." My mind cannot be sufficiently 
bowed down in grateful acknowledgments 
for these unmerited mercies, of which I am 
an unworthy partaker. Oh ! that I may be 
enabled continually to wait in childlike sim- 
plicity at Wisdom's gate, with mine inward 
ear open, to receive her instruction, and 
hearken to her counsel ; for surely she is a 
tree of that life to which I feel not entitled 



129 

to approach. My dear Susan desired me to 

give her dear love to thee and dear . 

In much love, I remain, 
My valued friend's very affectionate 

Judith Ussher. 



LETTER XVI I. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

8th month 12, 1796. 

I received thy affectionate salutation, my 
beloved mother, when last in town, wherein 
thou tenderly expressed thy solicitude for 
me, in the promotion of my spiritual wel- 
fare. Oh ! that it may not prove ineffectual: 
but how little do I feel of that growth and 
stability in the best things, which I painfully 
observed thy saying, my letter gave thee 
pleasure to hear of. For surely, I am appre- 
hensive that, could I lay open my heart be- 
fore thee, the various feelings of which, I 
may truly say, I do not myself understand, 



130 



thou would be more inclined to take up with 
me a song of lamentation, than to hope thou 
hast in me a plant growing up in the garden 
of the Lord. To feel myself inclosed therein, 
and He, who my soul fervently desires to be 
unto me the chief among ten thousand, a 
wall on the right hand and on the left, is 
an experience which I must wish for, but 
I know myself to be unfit to be made sen- 
sible of so great a blessing. Thou may 
have observed before now an alteration 
which has taken place, since my last to 
thee, which, I humbly trust, was in obedi- 
ence to the revealed will of the great I am, 
manifested to me in the secret of my heart, 
which, when I endeavored, though in much 
weakness, to perform, strength was merci- 
fully administered, to enable me to be faith- 
ful unto the little committed to me. Oh ! 
that we may, each of us, be continually 
kept in the simple track of entire dedication 
and perfect obedience, for therein I am satis- 
fied the soul is, at seasons, favored with a 



131 

degree of that undefiled peace, which the 
world knows not of. The trials and conflicts 
of my mind, for some time past, have been 
greater than I believe it meet for me to 
mention, even to thee, my beloved mother. 
I could almost wish to be as Elijah, hid 
from the world in a cave, yet having Him 
for a companion, whom he alone sought for. 
Solitude and retirement are what I feel most 
easy to myself, if I can justly so style any 
situation in my present state of mind, for 
the cloud that seemed to rest upon my 
tabernacle is departed, my inward labor is 
redoubled, and I find not that repose I 
vainly seek in my secret closet, the doleful 
habitation of my soul. I do mourn over 
myself, being in general so deeply clad in 
the sable robes of spiritual night ; and at 
times, so remote from infinite goodness, that 
I much fear a state of abstractedness there- 
from is approaching. Oh ! that I may still 
rely on Almighty Providence, and remain 
wholly trusting in him, that though He slay 



132 

me, I may fall at his feet. I was pleased at 
the account thou gave me of thyself, that 
(even in the midst of thy great trouble, 
which causes, I doubt not, agonizing pangs 
to be felt at seasons, in the prospect of a 
separation from our precious Eliza) thy 
grateful heart is made sensible of the un- 
failing mercies showered down upon thee 
by an Almighty hand. Oh ! when will the 
day come, that I can feelingly join thee in 
sacred melody ? for truly, my heart is so 
oppressed, that to retire from the face of 
visible things, into a deserted corner of the 
world, would be a situation most suitable to 
the barrenness of my soul. But if it be my 
allotted portion to pass through this vale of 
tears in the spirit of heaviness, I desire to 
be content, remembering the past times, 
when the Fountain of life was livingly 
opened, and I made sensible of its refreshing 

draught. R. J. received a letter from . 

He says : " Give my dear love to E. U. and 
precious children, who remain as living 



133 

epistles, written in my heart, to this very 
moment: I know not that I am commis- 
sioned to say more, than that I believe them 
to be particularly under the favor of Heaven; 
and that He who loves his own from the 
beginning, loveth them unto the end, and 
that He will never leave them nor forsake 
them." 

Tell my beloved Lucy, with my dear love, 
that I think I can safely say, scarcely a day 
passes without my having her more or less 
in my mind ; and, though I more and more 
feel as if the living fountain of life was dry- 
ing up, yet that in a dejected hour, the 
remembrance of the sweet influence of her 
precious spirit, is salutary and refreshing to 
me. My dear love to my beloved Eliza and 
aunt, in which Susan joins to thyself and 
Lucy, and 

I remain thy unworthy, but, 

I think, truly affectionate daughter, 

Judith Ussher. 
12 



134 



LETTEE XVIII. 

TO HER MOTHER. 

9th month 9, 1796. 

Was it not my beloved mother's request, 
to hear from me once a week, it seems to me 
most probable, my pen would be at this time 
unoccupied, and while I take it up, I am 
feeling sensible of my great incapacity ac- 
ceptably to offer thee anything. However, 
this I am persuaded, that thine and my be- 
loved Lucy's consolations (for I think my 
spirit, though feebly, salutes you both in your 
very tribulated path) are all derived from 
that unadulterated Fountain, which issueth 
in due time to the poor, tried, and weary 
soul, an inexhaustible stream. Thy sweet 
letter, my valued mother, even before I 
opened it, brought a peace to my poor mind, 
to which I am mostly a stranger. Perhaps 
it is this spirit, which formerly discovered 
itself in the multitude, when they followed 



135 

Jesus only for the loaves and fishes, that has 
fastened upon me ; but I may truly say, that 
I am far from wishing to indulge it, rather 
desiring to feel the craving appetite of the 
corrupt will so mortified, as in all things 
entirely to give up to the turnings of the 
Divine hand. A fast has been, however, I 
believe in much wisdom, dispensed, the liv- 
ing bread, handed in secret, being long with- 
held. May we, therefore, now be preserved 
from kindling sparks of our own, or endea- 
voring to make a substitute in the absence 
of our beloved; for, I trust no sensual enjoy- 
ment, nor anything less than the immediate 
presence of Him, whom we each desire to 
be in us, the Alpha and Omega, can yield 
our souls that for which mine in secret 
mourneth. Though Belial may, at such 
times as these, strive to turn our hearts from 
the King of Israel, yet let us, suspecting him 
in all our ways, turn a deaf ear to his mali- 
cious whispers, remembering that, " He sa- 
voreth not the things that be of God, but 



136 

those which be of man," because thereby his 
dominion is exalted. From experience I 
may say, it is far from being easy, when best 
help is withdrawn, to shut out the transform- 
ing enemy ; it is then He works hardest, and 
with most prevailing strength in the poor 
soul, in blocking up the way for the entrance 
of the river of life : can I but preserve an 
avenue for its return, I believe it will be by 
hard wrestling. Could I indulge that hope 
with which thou endeavors to encourage me, 
that the darkness which hath been so long 
in my soul, is by the Lord suffered to be 
there for this blessed end, to ground and 
settle it in virtue, I should not only be con- 
tent, but rejoice, I think, in some measure : 
however, let us rest in patience the appointed 
season, and not add to our afflictive trials, 
by an unsubjected will, but rather in all 
things, give ourselves up to the forming of 
our heavenly Father's hand ; remembering 
we are but clay, and consequently, ignorant 
of the means which may most efficaciously 



137 

tend to the purifying our earthen vessels. 
While I write, I feel an unusual earnestness, 
that we may each be prepared and ready, 
with dedicated hearts, to step forward at the 
call of our great Master, in any line of duty 
and devotedness, however repugnant to flesh 
and blood, and acquit ourselves so as to bring 
praise to the great and eternal Name, regard- 
less of how much self is abased. But from 
what quarter arise these sensations ? for the 
minute before, I was ready to acknowledge 
myself destitute of any that had in them the 
savor of life, it being my daily humbling 
experience, to explore the path of obscurity^ 
being weary of myself and all visible objects. 
I have wished to pass along unnoticed, hav- 
ing my name blotted out of the book of re- 
membrance; but this is not the will of Him 
who prayed not that we should be taken out 
of the world, but that we should be kept 
from the evil of it. 

The account of our precious Eliza con- 
veyed some comfort to me, though she had 
12* 



138 

to drink so deeply of the cup of suffering, 
and little likelihood of the dear body remain- 
ing much longer with you. Bear up through 
all, beloved mother and sister, with Christian 
fortitude, and may the arm of Omnipotence 
be your support; for I believe nothing else 
could carry you through so great afflictions. 
I remain in that love, which at this time 
flows towards you, my valued mother and 
sisters, more than affectionate 

Judith Ussher. 



LETTER XIX. 



TO A FKIEXD. 



10th month 4, 1796/ 

Thy frequent kind inquiries and many 
messages of love, my dear friend, to one who 
not only feels unworthy of the regard, but 
even of the notice of any whose names are 
written in the Lamb's book of life, were ac- 
ceptable; gratitude seemed before now to 



139 

have prompted the dictating of a few lines in 
acknowledgment thereof. However, if my 
long silence requires an excuse, let the dis- 
tressed situation of my poor mind plead one, 
when I tell thee, that for a considerable time 
past it has not only been stripped of every 
sensible enjoyment (were it confined to this, 
I think I should not repine), but it has al- 
most continually labored under such an op- 
pressive weight, the burden whereof has at 
times, particularly of late, seemed almost 
insupportable ; that in the bitterness of my 
soul I have been forced to utter, My God, 
my God, why hast thou forsaken me ? Even 
the purest friendship, or the society of the 
choicest of my beloved friends, I am incapa- 
ble of enjoying ; like the pelican in the wil- 
derness, so my soul sits mourning in every 
corner ; and with the prophet I have wished 
that I had in this wilderness a lodging-place, 
that thither I might flee ; but this denied, in 
lieu thereof may patience be proportionally 
granted, so as to keep the poor soul from 



140 

quite sinking or striking on the quicksands 
of despair. Faith is at so low an ebb at 
times that it can scarcely be compared to a 
grain of mustard-seed, and even that, so hid 
in the earth, as often to cause the closest 
search to prove fruitless. The fountain of 
living waters being closed in myself, I have 
long rather preferred to sit mourning at the 
well's mouth, than seek for comfort from 
other springs ; for I feel as if the waters from 
another's cistern could yield me no consola- 
tion. I remain much in external and inter- 
nal solitude, and when with those dear 
friends under this roof, whose company I 
know not how to value, I have been, as it 
were, constrained to retire ; but when with 
them I wish in some measure to disguise the 
deep distress in which my soul is involved, 
and which the hand of Omnipotence only 
can fathom. I knew not but that my mind 
might have received some relief by writing 
to thee, my dearly beloved friend, but I find 
it too full for words to unburden \ however, 



141 

I hope what I have said will be a sufficient 
apology for my not having handed thee be- 
fore now a few lines, particularly on the 
arrival of my beloved mother and sister, who 
have been through infinite mercy preserved 
in tolerable health, though neither is well. 
But their kind Master, into whose hands 
they resigned the helm of their vessel, while 
He led them through the sea of adversity, 
recruiting them with needed supplies of 
strength and provision, mercifully kept them 
within sight of the harbor of peace, where I 
trust they have since measurably been ena- 
bled with grateful praise in their hearts 
safely to cast anchor. Written in much love 
by thy very affectionate, and, oh! that I 
might add, fellow-traveller towards a city 
which hath foundations. 

Judith Ussher. 



142 



LETTEE XX. 

TO A FEIEND. 

1st month 30, 1797. 

Little did my heart conceive when I last 
parted from thee, my dear and valued friend, 
the many and deep afflictions which awaited 
me, the severest of which originated within. 
How many months have now passed since 
the soul could rejoice at the voice of its 
Beloved, or even distantly behold his feet 
upon the mountains : surely if his presence 
giveth life, the withholding thereof causeth 
darkness and death, and then the soul that 
hath none in heaven but Him, nor in all the 
earth it desireth .beside him, cannot but 
mourn. Oh ! then did I become a burden 
to myself and society : and sorrows so in- 
creased that the pit had almost closed her 
mouth upon me, when for a season, yea, a 
very little season, the clouds seemed to wear 
a less rigorous aspect, and in the seeming 



143 

prospect of returning day, the soul was 
almost ready to rejoice in hope of again em- 
bracing its Beloved. But it proved only 
the presage of a more dark and stormy sea- 
son, wherein the heavens appear as brass, 
and the gates thereof like bars of iron ; the 
sun which once measurably illuminated my 
path has been darkened in his going forth, 
and is no longer a lamp to my feet, and a 
light unto my paths, and the creatures yield 
no consolation ; my bed seems to be made 
in the deep waters where the floods have 
overflowed my soul, and the weeds are 
wrapped about my head. In this sad deser- 
tion of Almighty Goodness, I have sought 
much for silence and retirement, where, 
though there has been a seeking and not 
finding the Beloved of souls, yet I have 
thought it is well to be found waiting for 
him in the way of his coming. The porter 
knows not at what time his lord may come ? 
at midnight, at the cock-crowing, or in the 
morning : I have therefore wished to be kept 



144 

watchful, if peradventure He may again re- 
member his afflicted servant, though hope 
seems almost fled. I have, I believe, with 
reason, dreaded the natural impatience of 
my disposition, which has been ready to 
conclude it vain to wait upon the Lord, see- 
ing He hath rejected me from among his 
servants, and cast me from his presence as 
a reprobate branch ; yet there has been a 
struggle for resignation, which has at sea- 
sons been so far attained, as to cause a lan- 
guage similar to this : " Though He slay me, 
yet will I trust in him." Ah ! my dear 
friend, hard would it be to relate the deep 
distress through which this poor soul has 
waded, and in which it continues plunged. 
Though I find I have mentioned more than 
I intended, and almost chide myself, causing 
thee thereby to partake of my sufferings, yet 
I write not to give pain ; no, but feeling 
myself desolate and forlorn, the billows daily 
rising higher, and the inhabitant of this 
earthly tabernacle almost swallowed by the 



145 

overflowing surges, I thought to write thee 
a few lines (knowing thee to be a father in 
Israel, and encouraged thereto by thy writ- 
ing to my beloved mother), that if such a 
poor worthless worm was still retained in 
remembrance, perhaps the moment might 
arrive, wherein she who cannot plead for 
herself, might be pleaded for at the footstool 
of mercy, that faith and patience fail not, 

Judith Ussher. 



146 



Susanna, the youngest sister, died of a 
consumption, early in the year 1798, aged 
nearly fifteen years. 

This dear child was sweetly taught in the 
school of her dear Lord; she was drawn 
into great simplicity, and evinced that Truth 
leads into plainness. Her hodily sufferings 
were great, but He who thus was pleased to 
carry on the work of purification, supported 
her. 

A few days (if not the day) before her 
final removal, — being with her mother, — she 
expressed nearly this language : " Mother, I 
am not afraid to die, but feel comforted to 
be taken from the evil to come, which proba- 
bly I should not have power to resist." 

In a letter to her mother when at Bristol, 
is the following paragraph : "I am sure 



m 

thine and dear Lucy's sufferings On dear 
Eliza's account are very, very great, but 1 
believe the Lord, in his great mercy, will 
support all those that trust in Him alone!' 

The following lines were found among her 
papers, written in her own hand : — 

" Many are the trials and the conflicts the 
spiritual mind has to sustain, before it can 
enter the promised land, but if it endure to 
the end, it shall obtain the prize. 

" The foundation of God standeth sure, 
having this precious and unbroken seal, 
i The Lord knoweth them that are his/ 
Strive manfully to enter into the straight 
gate, for many are the hindrances and beset- 
ments with which the adversary of the 
soul's happiness will invade it, and endeavor 
to turn it into the broad road of eternal de- 
struction. 

" bring more and more of thy children 
under thy yoke ; make them think thy yoke 
easy, and thy burden light ; make them fol- 
low thee and thy faithful ones forever and 



148 

ever. Have mercy and forgive the sins of 
thy children, and the outsteppings of thy 
chosen ones. Encourage, Lord, I beseech 
thee, them that are heavy laden, help them 
through the waters of affliction, support 
them over all that it is thy will to put upon 
them : Thou wilt have mercy and not sacri- 
fice : Thou wilt have compassion on the 
children of men; look down with com- 
passion upon them, for thou art merciful, 
long-suffering, patient in mercy !" 



THE END. 



SO '' 

w^ til' 



